Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Professor Moron and the Retarded God Damn Box

So in case you haven't guessed, lately the DS game that occupies most of my time has been the newest Professor Layton. The story is that the professor's old friend was killed because he opened a box that he probably shouldn't have. So then you have to board a train to find out who stole the box or something. I'll let you know when I figure out what the hell is going on.

At it's core the plot is actually sort of compelling, but Jesus christ it gets bogged down worse than a fat man riding a go kart through a muck hole. And why is this exactly? The god damned puzzles.

"But wait!" I hear you cry, "It's a Layton game, of COURSE there will be puzzles". First, quit talking down to me you smug bastard. And second, I knew what I was in for and I do love some puzzles. But like whacking off, there is a time and a place where it's appropriate. I'm pretty sure on a train while trying to track down the murderer of your mentor falls under the inappropriate column.

So while you're trying to do some investigating, these geniuses are busy turning every last thing into a frigging puzzle. And not only that but everything else also REMINDS them of a puzzle. "Hey professor I just dropped a wicked deuce in the toilet" "Gosh Luke that reminds me of a puzzle!" or else it will be "Luke you know what this puzzle reminds me of.......Another puzzle!" ARGHRGRH

You know maybe it's not even his fault, maybe he has ADD. I just think someone who has earned the title of professor should show a little urgency when his old pal has been murdered. Not that his apprentice is much better. What is he his apprentice of, eating paint chips?

After playing for a couple hours I still haven't really gotten anywhere. I spent about 15 minutes looking for this old woman's dog which this pair of brain trusts thought was a child. I knew it was a dog the whole time! Why would a fat old broad like that have a kid with her?!

The game is like that episode of Itchy and Scratchy where they are on their way to the fireworks factory, but then Poochy shows up and makes them solve puzzles for 20 minutes. I hope the damn train derails and kills the lot of them.

In short, I like this game but there are many puzzles.

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