Sunday, October 31, 2010

Secret Weapons - Nyko Intercooler TS

If you've ever owned a first generation X-box 360, then the chances are good that you've sealed the little guy in his styrofoam coffin, uttered a prayer, and sent him away for resurrection at least once.

I partook in this ritual myself, when my 360 went on strike and refused to play the games I purchased for it; not unlike a spoiled 10 year old. Overall it was a fairly painless process. Microsoft was helpful, and turnaround time was about a week. Still, it's not something I look forward to doing on a quarterly basis.

Looking for anything that could prolong my console's lifespan, I finally settled on the Nyko Intercooler TS. It's basically another unit consisting of 3 fans, designed to expel heat from the back of your 360. As any X-box owner will tell you, the console generates slightly less heat than a blast furnace, so anything that helps it run cooler can only be a good thing.

The unit itself is fairly small, clips firmly to the back of your 360 and doesn't obscure any of it's outputs. It even has it's own AC adapter, unlike the old intercooler models which relied on the 360's power cord and had a tendency to short circuit consoles, in a hilariously ironic twist. It also has a temperature sensor, which (in theory) only turns the fans on when the console gets hot. In reality it's just on the whole time, and stays on for a while after the 360 shuts down. What does that say about it's heat output?

So now the million dollar question is: Does it actually work? And the answer to that is a resounding "I guess so". It's a hard thing to prove, as there are many other factors at play here. But I've been using mine for over a year and my 360 has yet to unceremoniously shit the bed again. If you put your hand behind the console, the exhaust no longer feels scalding but simply warm. So it definitely does keep things a bit cooler.

So everything is great, right? Well not exactly. The one big caveat is the noise. The old 360s were not quiet to begin with, and the intercooler increases it's noise output level from "Harrier lifting off" to "Flock of geese passing through a jet turbine". It's pretty loud, but like renting an apartment underneath a main subway line, you get used to the noise after a while. Only when you have company over will they take note of it as you shout at each other over the din.

Over all the Nyko Intercooler is a good product that does what it is supposed to, which is keeping your 360 from erupting into flames. If you can tolerate the cacophony then it's cheap insurance against the dreaded RROD.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

WTF Japan? - Left 4 Dead Anime

This would probably be 100 times better than whatever the anime actually is about.

Vanquish First Impressions

As you may (or may not) remember, some time ago I called Vanquish my pre-emptive GOTY (Game Of The Year). With many games coming out this holiday season that are not only hot, but shit hot, it has got some very stiff competition.

After spending a couple of hours awkwardly making love to it, here are my impressions so far.

First off, as you can probably tell by the videos, the gameplay is super fast and frantic. There are constantly hordes of bad guys swarming you and shit flying everywhere. The fact that many enemies have instant kill attacks means that you've constantly got to be on the move. Instead of feeling like pointless fodder, it really feels like any enemy can kill you with a few hits.

But what keeps the pace varying is that all this sliding around, bashing guys and using bullet time depletes your suit's power meter. If you take mortal damage it will also activate bullet time. You then have to rush to find cover while your suit recharges. Then the game takes on more of a standard cover-based shooter persona. All of this dashing, sliding, shooting and covering makes the game feel like the mutated offspring of a drunken threesome between Bayonetta, Devil May Cry, and Gears of War. The fanfiction pretty much writes itself...

For the most part, all of this controls very well. One thing I will say though is that the controls are too complex. With all this frantic action I don't want to be fumbling for the right buttons. For example, square button opens chests. Then you have to hold R1 to grab the item in the chest. Also X jumps and square takes cover. If I'm next to cover I want to press X to jump over in, but I can't I have to instead press SQUARE to vault over it. Frustrating.

While the gameplay is fantastic, I really can't say the same for the story. It is stupid and cheesy, but not in a hilarious way. It's like they sat down and said "Ok, what do Americans think is cool? Space marines, fighting Russians, lots of swearing. Ok let's do this!"

There is very little exposition, and the pace almost never lets up so you get no time to breathe and digest what is going on before you dive into the next firefight. The voice acting and dialog are also bad but in more of a hilarious Resident Evil sort of way. So it gets a free pass there.

One thing I have to mention about the dialog though is that it seems like M-Rated games have just realized they're allowed to say Fuck. Like a 4 year old learning a new word, they repeat it constantly. I know I'm far from a saint and have been known to say bad words like "shit" or "penis" from time to time but that's because I have tourrettes. What's your excuse, video games?

All in all I really enjoy this game and I think it is great, despite it's flaws. It's just too bad nobody will ever play it.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

World's Fastest Virtual Car

The creators of GT 5 made a car in their game so fast that you must wear a fire retardant suit just to drive it.

There's no part of this video that doesn't seem incredibly pretentious. Hey guys maybe if you'd stop fellating yourselves for a moment you could release your game on time.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fantastic Box Art

This is how you sell a game! I know it's shovelware but I must have it. That guy on the box is commanding me, "Get in there and catch some fucking CRABS!!"

More WTF Ads

It seems Sony isn't the only one with some questionable advertising campaigns.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sega Vs Fans : Sonic the Hedgehog

It seems after years of Sega pissing away the Sonic franchise some fans have taken it upon themselves to make there own Sonic game, and the results look pretty sweet. Now I haven't played it for myself but judging by the video the looks like a definite step in the right direction. Then again I would have said that about Sonic 4 until I played the demo.

But why take my word for it, judge for yourself.

BTW you can download the fan made game for free, here.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Unfortunate Box Art

I think we can all agree that bad box art doesn't do a game any favors. Even if it happens to be an awesome game, a shitty looking box can instantly turn people away from it in the stores. That's why I am a little disappointed with this one.

As awesome as Vanquish is, I find the boxart to be, well, rather shitty. Retarded font, silver and teal on blue. Nothing pops like it should. Not to mention a generic looking sci-fi character sliding toward you while shooting.

It's bad and I have a feeling that bland box art combined with an almost complete lack of advertising will cause the game to do poorly here. Which is a shame because it is incredibly fun.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Asian Powers, Activate!

A guy pulls off a 126 hit combo in street fighter 4. These are the kind of crazy fucking robots I play against online.

12 one frame links
125 button inputs
126 hits
661 damage

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Edutainment of My Youth

As a child, If you were lucky enough to attend a school that had working computers, chances are you spent every second of your computer lab time playing whatever shitty edutainment software they had installed.

Here are three of the games I would routinely fake sickness/injury to stay inside at lunch time and play.

Gizmos and Gadgets

Aw hell yeah! If your school had this one then you know what I'm talking about. This was like the holy grail of edutainment. It was so damn fun. I knew a kid once that stabbed another kid in the leg with a pencil crayon because he stole his turn.

Basically you play as some guy in a blue trenchcoat with an unfortunate birth defect that caused him to be born without a face. Creepy, I know. But as a kid you don't give a shit about that sort of thing. The point of the game was to run around levels collecting parts to build a go-kart, boat, flying machine, or some other vehicle. Then you raced this mad scientist who sort of resembles Dr. Wily.

It was cool because you could find different parts, and some were better than others. You needed to find the parts that were fastest and most aerodynamic in order to win the race. And what kid doesn't want to build a ripping fast go-kart? Maybe there was more to the game than that but honestly it's all I remember.

Dinosaur Safari

This is one of the first edutainment games I played on our school's Macintosh computers, and it blew my fucking MIND! I think the name said it all. A find dinosaurs?! Holy fudging turd balls I had to play this game. I once traded a classmate half a case of pogs so he'd push me in a puddle and I could go inside to play computer. It was so worth it.

The goal of the game was pretty simple. You have some kind of time machine I guess? And your job is to go back and take pictures of dinosaurs. You had crystals for film, or something. Later on you unlocked upgrades like a radar, or video camera. Some of the dinosaurs would attack you, which was really scary.

I have no idea what the ultimate goal of the game was, since I never managed to get very far. Some things man wasn't meant to know I guess...

Cross Country Canada

Another instant classic. This was like our version of the Oregon Trail game, except with less dysentery. I guess it was supposed to teach kids about trucking? Yeah, way to inspire confidence in our youth! It was a simulation where you drove a truck across different provinces trying to make deliveries on time while shouting phrases like "Ten-four good buddy!" and "Breaker one-nine, this here's the rubber duck!"

Maybe that last part was optional. I don't remember. This game was fun as long as you didn't actually do what it told you to. We pretty much spent all our time putting chains on our tires to rip up the pavement, or getting robbed by hitch hikers. Falling asleep at the wheel and leaving our trailer unlocked so all the cargo gets stolen.

You know, all the stuff real truckers do.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Awesome Borderlands GOTY Trailer

The game is great, this trailer is great. Everyone should probably buy it.

Greatest Crossover?

Monster Hunter is one of those games that I will always love, no matter how much it frustrates me. Even when it transforms my PSP into a handheld-shaped projectile. Needless to say my pants get tight at the very mention of the upcoming Monster Hunter Freedom 3.

Capcom, being wacky as they are decided to call in a favor from Konami (Who included Monster Hunter in their newest MGS game) and include a little Metal Gear in their game. This is the kind of hilarious and bizarre stuff that makes me want it even more.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Meanwhile at Game Fudge HQ...


Retardedly Long Minecraft Track

Some guy builds an interstate railway, once again proving Minecraft is basically a litmus test for autism.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

WTF Europe? - Sony Ads

Here are some actual ads run by Sony in Europe. Congrats Japan, you're no longer the most hosed up place on earth...for now!

They only get stranger from here. Visit the gallery if you must see more of this shit (You know you do!) Just be warned it's Not Safe For Work.

Post in a Picture - Thanksgiving Edition


It's been a while since we had one of these, but gimme a break I just got back from Cape Breton. I don't think Medal of Honor warrants serious discussion anyway.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Enslaved - First Impressions

So where have I been lately? I've been enslaved by this new game. Hahah *fart* Anyway I am a few hours into Enslaved : Odyssey to the West on PS-Triple, and here are my impressions so far.

This game is good. How good? You could even say it's great, that's how good. It combines decent melee combat with fun exploration and easy platforming. From a gameplay standpoint, the one word I would have to use to describe it is 'adequate'. Not in a bad way mind you, everything works well and gets the job done. It just doesn't stand out in any particular way.

That's ok though, because the main attraction here is the presentation. This game is drop dead gorgeous. It literally ejaculates color all over your face the moment you start it up. Post apocalyptic cities never looked so lush. At first I wasn't a fan of the character designs but they are growing on me, like the characters themselves.

The main character is named Monkey, in a reference to the original Journey to the West that is about as subtle as a brick in the face. In case that wasn't enough he also fights with a staff and has a sash that looks like a tail, DO YOU GET IT NOW THIS IS AN ALLUSION!! Jesus christ, video games... Anyway he is funny and he's got a cool accent.

Trip is the girl who captured Monkey and forces him to escort her back to her home. I know what you're thinking. "I bet she's really fucking annoying!" Well surprisingly enough, having to tow her around isn't that bad. Make no mistake, she certainly is annoying but not to an unbearable degree. She helps you out in various ways like healing and distracting guys. I have to wonder though if female sidekicks are going to become the next bullet time.

One thing that does sort of annoy me though, being the big fat nerd that I am. It's that there are glowing orbs everywhere for you to collect. They are supposed to be machine technology, or upgrade material or some crap. It just strikes me as a very video game-y contrivance in a game that tries so hard to be cinematic. This isn't Ratchet and Clank, I shouldn't be collecting fucking bolts to upgrade my stuff. Finding them is rewarding, and gives you an incentive to explore levels. I just wish they thought of something that makes more sense in the context of the game.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

RDE Syndrome

We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to bring you this important message about a serious medical condition, most often found in FPS games, especially of the military variety. This new condition is tentatively named "Ramirez Do Everything Syndrome".

Named after one of the main characters in MW2, this is one of my pet peeves of gaming. When you're supposed to be part of a huge battalion, or platoon, or whatever. Your character is usually just a low level grunt, yet for some reason the commander insists on tasking you with every single fucking thing no matter how important or dangerous. "Ramirez! Go up there and knife those guys with rocket launchers!" or "Ramirez, Parachute onto that nuke and disable it with this etch-a-sketch!"

I understand the need to keep the player directly involved so they don't miss out on any of the action, but there's got to be more subtle ways to do it. The most jarring example of this I recall is Gears of War 2. I loved the first Gears. The story to me was great because it felt like you were just a few grunts who happened to be in the wrong place at the right time. Then in Gears 2, you're like this unstoppable fucking super human force. You just get done chainsawing your way out of a giant worm when the commander calls up, "Yeah good job dudes but we got another mission for you. I need you to basically go and fight this whole god damned war yourselves, cool?"

It was just so stupid, even for a video game. Bad Company 2 had the same problem. The first BC was about a couple of guys just trying to steal some gold and get out of there. Then in BC 2 you're taking down 747's by yourself. I understand wanting to make things more epic, but at some point you lose part of what made the first games enjoyable.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Zelda: The Feces of Evil

Ho ho see what I did there? Anyway it's not new or anything but here's some creepy-ass Zelda, just because.

Monday, October 4, 2010

One Sentence Reviews The Third


Alien Swarm - The best free aliens game since free alien game 2. 10/10

Final Fantasy XIII - Beautiful game with annoying characters and combat that is more football manager than final fantasy (Not that it's a bad thing). 8/10

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 - Finally the sixaxis is put to good use; jiggling titties. 7.5/10

Marvel vs Capcom 2 - A really crazy and fun fighting game ruined by it's awful music. 4/10

Beatles Rock Band - My mom was very disappointed this game doesn't contain the actual Beatles, despite the fact that they've been broken up for 30 years and 2 are dead. 5/10

Enslaved Demo - If the goal of this demo was making me buy the game then mission accomplished! 10/10

Borderlands - The best excuse you will ever have to say First Person Looter. 9/10

Need For Speed Shift - Finally a game that combines my favorite parts of Grid and Forza while bringing some new stuff of it's own. 8.5/10

Final Fantasy 14 Beta - Beautiful cutscenes and a compelling story draped in the usual MMO annoyances, like a donut wrapped in feces. 6/10

F1 2010 - Much more frustrating and much less polished than Grid, yet somehow still very rewarding. 7.5/10

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Dead Rising 2 First Impressions

First off, sorry for the lack of action around here the last few days. It's not because we're lazy (We certainly are that), but we've both been spending most of our free time playing Dead Rising 2. I know Jaison has way more to say about this game than I do, but for now here are my thoughts so far.

Basically, gameplay-wise this is more what the first Dead Rising should have been. Three save slots, survivors that aren't as useless as tits on a bull, gun controls that don't blow ass, and CO-OP! Yes online co-op is the reason I got this game and it doesn't disappoint. Like sex, this game gets much more enjoyable with another person involved. The psychopath fights, which normally are fucking infuriating, are just annoying. The ability to revive each other and trade items is a godsend.

One thing that should be noted though is that co-op has one major bug. When the host saves their game, the co-op partner gets disconnected. You get the opportunity to save your stats, but all the items you were carrying get dropped on the ground. So when the host invites you back, you gotta go find them again. Ass balls!

Still, the pros definitely outweigh the cons and when Jaison gets off his lazy ass we'll have a full review. Stay tuned!

Gears 3 Delayed for No Good Reason

According to this article, Gears 3 is being delayed from April 2011 to Fall 2011. Is it because it's not ready? EEERNNN Nope. Instead it's to bash heads with the other blockbusters of the holiday season. Good job making people wait 5 months so you can make more money.

Here's an idea you fuckheads, release your fucking game in the spring, or some other time when nothing else good is coming out and people have money. With so many great games coming out in fall many people are forced to choose very carefully which ones they actually pick up. I'd be much more inclined to buy a game I'm not 100% sure on if there aren't 5 games I REALLY want right around the corner.

But wait! This is gears, people will be lining up around the block for this shit! Maybe, but it's no Halo in terms of mass appeal. If the multiplayer is anywhere near the shitfest Gears 2 was, I may have to skip it and pick it up after xmas.

Mario Food

Man I wish we had Super Mario curry. One time I ate Mario cereal and threw up afterward. Maybe it was stomach flu, but to this day I still blame the cereal.