Friday, April 30, 2010

Angry Video Game Nerd plays Action 52

Believe it or not, I owned this piece of shit as a kid. I think we got it at a yard sale for 2 bucks. I would rather have spent that on mangled GI Joes. The only games I remember enjoying at all were Fuzzball and Cheetah Men.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

So Old School it Hurts

Jaison's earlier post got me thinking, if games trying way too hard to cater to morons is an issue, then is the opposite also an issue? I say yes. Case in point, I picked up Super Street Fighter 4 the other day, like capcom's good little bitch.

I've had a bit of experience with Street Fighter over the years, but I really started getting into it with SF 4. As I began to delve into the game mechanics, I realized just how ridiculous this shit is. I'm sorry, but fighting game mechanics and street fighter in particular are obtuse and archaic.

I'll probably get a lot of crap for this, but it needs to be said. Memorizing a chart of button combinations for each character is so stupid and unintuitive. Of course I'd know to rotate my joystick 360 degrees twice, THEN press all 3 punch buttons to do an Ultra! It's bad enough that they have 6 buttons just dedicated to the most basic of attacks. Then you have to start pressing two or three at once! Makes zero fucking sense. Of course if I punch and kick a guy at the same time I'll throw him! But I better light punch and kick otherwise it would be a focus attack! DURRRRR

But that's just the tip of the retarded iceburg. Certain moves combo with other moves for certain characters but NOT others? Why does someone else's move go through my move? Invincibility frames, the hell are those? There is so much going on behind the scenes here that you'd never know without reading about it online.

The same is true about Modern Warfare and Bad Company 2. You'll quickly find that the stat bars for all the weapons mean two things. Jack, and Shit. The descriptions for the perks are equally as helpful. "Do more damage" or "Take less damage" Yeah real fucking helpful you cocks. OF COURSE we'd know that putting a holographic sight on a FAL increases the damage enough to make it a 2 hit kill at any range! IT'S SO OBVIOUS!!

I could bitch about this all day. What was my point again? Oh yeah, making things too complicated is just as bad in it's own way. Also I am terrible at street fighter, bloo a bloo bloo!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Games I Like - Parasite Eve

From time to time you probably find yourself wondering, what would happen if Final Fantasy, Resident Evil and NYPD Blue had some kind of unholy offspring. Well wonder no longer! Parasite Eve is here and it's faaaantastic!

Released on playstation in 1998, this game is sort of a survival horror RPG hybrid. You play as Aya Brea, a NYPD rookie in your quest to defeat Eve, this scary-ass mitochondria powered monster with big jugs.

The gameplay is very fun, you explore areas from a fixed camera angle like the earlier Resident Evils, but then enemies appear around you like random battles from FF games. In battle you can move around freely, but when you select an attack a circle appears, showing your effective range. You also have PE powers which are like magic. You gain exp that you can use to level up your powers, increase speed or level up your freaking GUNS!

The way the story is presented is actually very cool. It has the pacing of an adventure game with the tension of a survival horror. They did a lot of research to get the look and feel of New York City as accurate as possible. The dialog is pretty good from what I remember with some interesting characters. Which reminds me.

Aya is probably one of my favorite female video game characters. She's not Titsy McAss or Busty McJuggs and she seems to actually have some brains. Fucking amazing, I know. They tried to capitalize more on her sex appeal in the sequel with a totally un-necessary shower scene though. Video games, why you gotta do this?

Some people also enjoy the sequel which came out in 2000, but I didn't find it nearly as good as the first. There were so many things that made the original great, but if I had to pick one thing it'd be the atmosphere. It's got this dark, hopeless feel to it, yet it remains very compelling. Check out this trailer to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

Monday, April 26, 2010

People Aren't Stupid

Okay, actually they are, but not in the "paint chip eating" way that game developers seem to think. After playing the demo of the new Splinter Cell, I have to wonder, what kind of morons do they take us for. Do we really need a giant red indicator covering half the screen to explain that I'm detected. Maybe the bullets flying past my head are a hint. Not to mention the stupid silhouette of your last known location. Why did the guards all go over there? Oh right, cause they just saw me there.

It all stems from this drive to capture the elusive casual audience. The idea that games are too complex or difficult for these simple minded individuals. Bollocks! Sure games can be intimidating for someone who hasn't grown up with a controller in their hand. But half the time it's all this extra crap on the screen that makes a game seem 10 times more complicated than it is; and it can take you completely out of the experience.

Don't pander to this ridicules notion, that games must be simple and heavy handed to appeal to a wide audience. It doesn't matter how complex a game is, everyone will want to play it as long as it's fun.

WTF Japan? - Doki Doki Majo Shinpan

I consider myself pretty unfazed by weird crap on the internet, but every so often a game comes along that just buries the needle on the WTF-O-Meter. Today that game is "Heart-Pounding Magical Investigation", in our english language.

If you read a lot of gaming or japan related news, you've probably heard of it. If not, congratulations you lucky sod. The game is basically as follows. You play a high school kid who has to hunt witches. But the only way to identify them is to find their witch mark. And how does one do that? By touching them all over. Yep. Where did I put my scotch?

So the story is all just a pretense to grab boobs and touch asses using your DS stylus. I wonder what these clowns would have done with the power glove. Lots of gaming sites have posted their disgust over the concept and showed the box art or whatever. Well here at Game Fudge we like to go the extra mile for our dear readers. That's right, I actually sat down and played this pile of donkey diarrhea.

Maybe it was the sequel, actually. According to wikipedia this shit is a trilogy! When I first loaded it up, there was fruity music and cute characters everywhere. I was worried a child might buy this, mistaking it for a kids' game.

My fears were soon put to rest though. No kid would ever play this. It's boring as shit. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I played for over 30 minutes before I was anywhere near any position to touch anything. It was 30 minutes of holding Y to skip dialog and poke away at random icons on the map. Apparently molesting witches needs some intricate fucking back story.

From what I gather, it's sort of like Phoenix Wright. You need to collect evidence and build a case against them, then confront the witch. Then they challenged me to a witch fight that consisted of them walking across the screen and shooting magic balls which I had to deflect back. That was the closest to actual gameplay I ever got.

So when you finally beat them, you earn the right to "inspect" them or whatever. I'm no detective, but doesn't the fact that they were just shooting MAGIC BALLS at you pretty much close the case here? Whatever, I didn't invent this shit. Now LETS GRAB DEM RUDE TITTIES!!

This is the part where I ALMOST feel bad for the geeks who bought this. Basically there is a big picture of a girl and you just poke them everywhere with the stylus while they go OOH AHH and hearts fly out. You have to find which spot they like the most. For the one I did it seemed to be the face. I may be wrong here, but is it really a good idea to give pathetic nerds more misinformation about women? Yes, from what I hear being poked in the eyes and face is a real turn on...

So there you have it, everything you ever wanted to know about witch touching AND MORE! Now I'm off to drink away the pain of living. Till next time, WTF Japan?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Secret Weapons - Madcatz Fight Pad

With Super Street Fighter 4 less than 48 hours away, it's time to look at another fighting game controller! With the inevitable scarcity and price gouging over the arcade sticks, most people will probably have to settle for... Dadadadada

The Fight Pad!

Those of you getting SSF4 on the PS3 will probably be happy with your standard controller and it's superior d-pad. However anyone forced to grapple with the big greasy turd known as the 360 d-pad is probably already standing in line for one of these things.

I bought one on the off chance that a homeless person wanders into my living room and fancies some cat food and a game of street fighter 4. No way he is getting his greasy paws on the arcade stick. I may even fight him for the cat food.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the fight pad is decent. It costs around 40 bucks so you get what you pay for I guess. It could have been much better though. Like the judgmental little man I am, I will air my grievances with this pad.

First off, the d-pad is floating, sort of like the sega saturn controller. it feels good, but the actual arrows aren't really defined enough and the surface is slick so it can be a little hard to make precise inputs. Second, the buttons are too flat. They aren't concave or convex at all. Just plain uncomfortable. And finally, the overall shape of the controller is too wide and flat. The whole thing just doesn't feel very ergonomic at all. Which is a shame because it actually functions quite well.

So there you have it. I'd recommend one over the 360 d-pad, but that's like recommending a poke in the eye over a kick in the balls.

I give it 1 Clinton and 1 Lewinsky because it's close but no cigar.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Enemies That Can Fuck Right Off

The sun in super mario 3
- I have a hard enough time trying to dodge goombas and turtles without this constipated fucker swooping down on me every 2 seconds.

Skeletons in Demon's Souls - Unlike skeletons in most games, these dickheads are FAST. They're also agile and can dish out tons of damage in seconds.

Flying Enemies - They're always hard to hit and annoying. We don't enjoy fighting bats or birds or other stupid shit. Smarten up, video games.

Anything that poisons/paralyzes/petrifies you - These status effects are just annoying and force you to carry around tons of otherwise useless items.

The babies in Dead Space
- These little turds aren't even dangerous on their own but they love to hit you with their projectiles just in time to stun you so a real enemy can eat your face.

Snipers - Just like in real life, snipers are never any fun to fight in games. They suck in online games and they suck just as bad in single player games.

Ultros - He is just a dick in general and I can't stand him. Fuck you Ultros.

Lava and Spikes - They aren't even enemies but they can still fuck right off.

Mini bosses in Mega Man - I always hate fighting them because they're just stupid and I want to get to the actual boss so I can jump through the boss doors.

Seth - The cheapest fucking boss ever. Hey seth go eat a bag of dicks.

Killer Croc in Batman AA - Absolutely terrible and boring to fight. What were they thinking?

And now for the grand finale. The #1 most hated enemies in the history of the galaxy are....

Enemies that steal your items


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Bleep Bloop

There's nothing worse than sitting around watching other people play video games, right? WRONG! At least not when it comes to Jeff Rubin. Every week he and the gang at college humor play some of the wackiest games ever conceived.

Here are a few of my favs :

"He speaks the true, they masquerade as adults."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

WTF Japan? - Toilet Kids

Welcome to the new segment I am calling 'WTF Japan?' where I talk a little about some of my favorite batshit crazy japanese games. Lord knows there are a few of them. Anyway, first up is....

Toilet kids! As you probably deciphered from the title, the main theme here is toilets. Congratulations you genius. The plot centers around a young boy who gets up to take a whiz in the middle of the night. But instead of just pissing in the clothes hamper (I swear, it is like RIGHT next to the toilet!) he is instead shot into the air by his high pressure bidet and transported to a magical land.

It's like Alice in Wonderland with feces. Anyway, the game itself actually plays like a standard shoot 'em up. You fly through the air shooting various pee and crap themed enemies including but not limited to: flies, turtles with poop for shells, urinals, spiders that look like testicles, and frogs that shoot dingleberries. Your goal as far as I can tell is to collect golden turds...Yep, never thought I'd write that sentence.

My brain hit it's emergency shutdown switch about three sentences in, so watch this damn video while I try to escape this horrible nightmare.

WTF Japan?

Secret Weapons - Tritton Headset

Every once in awhile there comes a time, between the swearing and the trash talking, when you actually want to speak to someone while gaming online. It's during those times when you realize just how crappy the standard Microsoft and Sony headsets really are. But what some gamers may not realize is that there are some viable alternatives.

Take for example Tritton's AX 180 headset. I picked myself up a set of these bad boys a couple of months ago, and have been loving them ever since. No more aching ears, no more drained batteries, no more awkward moments, when you think you're muted, and you call out your friend for being the pussy that he...ah hmm. Anyway, it also supports in game audio. Great for any late night gaming when you have asshole neighbours next-door.

I will say they're not perfect. The cord, while super long, can get a bit messy in the back. Especially if your TV isn't close to your console. And the audio isn't surround sound or digital. Tritton does makes headsets with those features but they can get pretty pricey.

As for the AX-180, I got mine for about 70 bucks, which isn't too bad considering it works with the 360, PS3, PC, and the Wii. Turtle Beach makes a similar headset that is a bit cheaper, but it only supports one console, and to me, looks too much like a toy.

Overall the AX-180 works great, feels great, and if you do a lot of online gaming, is well worth the extra dough.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Charlie Brooker's Gameswipe

I'm a bit late to the party on this one, but what a fantastic show! This is the video game edition of Charlie Brooker's awesome show Screenwipe, which takes a humorous look behind the scenes at television.

In this one he talks about the history of games in the media, as well as some of what made games in the past and present unique. Very cool stuff, both hilarious and informative, or as I like to call it hilariormative. Here's part one, you can check out the other 5 through the youtube page.

Dead Rising 2 trailer looks great

This game is going to kick copious amounts of ass. I enjoyed the first one and though it was hurt by some poor design choices, I thought it had a lot of great ideas. Here's hoping it turns out as good as it looks!

Zombies, don't fuck with chuck!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Secret Weapons - Madcatz Fight Stick SE

With Super Street Fighter 4 fast approaching, the demand for fight sticks is bound to skyrocket again. I figured I'd weigh in on the pros and cons of the regular edition from the perspective of a casual (read: terrible) fighting game fan.

First off, this thing is pretty freaking big. The pictures really don't do it justice. It's just the right size to take up most of your lap. It's got a good weight to it too. So if your friend is an asshole Ken player, one good smack in the side of the head with it would probably put him down. It's got a nice long cord as well, which you could probably choke him out with. But I digress.

Being new to arcade sticks in general, it took me some getting used to. For starters, they come stock with a square gate which is the standard in Japan I guess. What that means is that instead of being able to rotate the joystick around in a circle, you will hit corners as there is a little square shaped piece inside. It makes some moves easier, but I prefer an octagon shaped gate. You can swap it out though, more on that in a minute.

The main difference between the SE fight stick and the Tournament edition (aside from looking less cool and costing half as much) is that it doesn't use official Sanwa parts. I can just hear you saying "Well whoop de fucking doo!" and I can understand. Allow me to explain.

Basically when it comes to arcade parts in japan, Sanwa is THE shit. Their joysticks and buttons are super precise, feel great and won't break when you smack Jaison, I mean your friend in the face with them.

The buttons and joystick on the SE frankly don't feel all that great, even to a hack like me. The buttons have a mushy feel and the stick feels cheap. Lucky for us it's super easy to swap that shit out. Everything is connected inside by little tabs, so you can order some sanwa parts online for super cheap and pop them in.

I swapped out my joystick and 6 buttons. Now it works perfectly, takes up less space and cost a fair bit less than the TE stick. Bonus! These are going to be scarce when SSF4 hits, but if you're serious about fighting games with some spare cash I'd highly recommend one.

I give it four Winston Churchills out of five.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Modern Warfare 2 vs Battlefield 2 part 2...

Or How to Swear Like a Drunken Sailor

These two games piss me off. The ridiculous story lines, the single minded enemies, but mostly it's the multiplayer. "Why?" you say "The multiplayer's awesome!". Well, it's because they're so awesome that a handful of poor game design choices ruin, what otherwise should be, two of the greatest online multiplayer experiences ever. So instead heaping praise on all the things they get right, let's dive deep into the seedy underbelly that is : Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 vs Battlefield Bad Company 2 competitive online multiplayer edition. Phew, I hope you're not reading this aloud.

1. Why bring a gun to a knife fight?

Knives are annoying, they always have been and they always will be. It's bad enough that BC encourages players to run around like giant douche nozzles, with the allure of enemy dog tags. But for MW to make it over-powered to the point where you can charge at an enemy head on, while he's shooting at you; that's ridiculous. I can live with being knifed in the back, but when I'm pumping him full of lead he better go down.

The Fix : You can't draw your knife if you're getting hit with enemy bullets. When you get shot by an enemy your aim goes off, makes sense that you couldn't use your knife.

2. Please stop killing me with my own helicopter

The vehicles in these games can be a bitch, especially when you're not the one controlling them. At least in MW they're pretty easy to take out. You grab a rocket launcher, add in a little cold blooded, bada bing bada boom, you're done. No more killstreak. In BC there's no such luck. Vehicles are everywhere, and any idiot can pilot them. What's worse is when you actually get someone who knows what they're doing, they can completely dominate a match. This is especially true with the helicopters. Rockets need pin point accuracy, guided missiles are hard to use, and good luck hitting one of these things with a tracer dart.

The Fix : Make tracer darts travel faster. Maybe not bullet speed but close. That way helicopters will be a lot easier to hit, but you'll still need some teamwork to take one down.

3. Born to die

Re-spawning is tricky business for any game, and neither of these two get it quite right. While BC does have a great system, allowing you to spawn on other squad mates, it doesn't work if no one on your team is in a squad. And in really tough matches this can lead to some awful spawn camping.

MW on the other hand has much bigger problems. Half the time when you kill an enemy, they re-spawn him 10 feet ahead of you behind a corner, just waiting to ambush you. And the other half he's directly behind you, shooting you in the back.

The Fix : In BC force players playing alone into squads and make enemy bases off limits. In MW spawn players away from the action. Hell, large parts of the maps are never used anyway.

4. The more you know

Information is power, and on the battlefield it can be the difference between life and death. There's nothing more frustrating than looking at the wrong side of a killcam wondering what the fuck just happened. And in this regard MW really shines over BC. From enemy locations to where your being shot from, it all works within the rules that are laid out. And it works because it's consistent. BC on the other hand is a total mess. Spotting rarely works, enemies uniforms look like teammates, kill cams are useless, your health level is unclear. It just leads to a lot of WTF moments.

The Fix : Spotting, if you hit an enemy with your bullets he's spotted. It's simple, and you don't have to worry about button spamming. Also change the colour of the uniforms and add a health meter on the HUD. It's not rocket science.

5. Ping the ultimate weapon

When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how good you are at these games, just how good of a connection you have. It's sad, cause there's really nothing you can do about it. I do have to give props to BC for adding dedicated servers but still hasn't completely resolved the issue.

The Fix : Not much I can say about this other than dedicated servers and better matchmaking based on connection.

I could probably go on forever. Unlimited shotgun range, running through claymores, indistinguishable tank mines. There are a ton of little things that make you scratch your head. Despite all this nit picking, who really comes out on top? Well both, or I should say neither. They're really two very different kind of experiences. Modern Warfare is great with friends or on you're own, but it's focused mostly on killing opponents. While Bad Company is much more strategic, you really need some friends online to properly enjoy it.

Either way, prepare to be frustrated, and love every minute of it.

Games I Like - Demon's Souls

I'll be honest here, I am totally gay for Demon's Souls. This is one of those games that is a perfect blend of everything I like. Great atmosphere, compelling story, fun combat and absolute ball-crushing difficulty. You know you're in for a rough go when the game shows your character DEAD right on the freaking box!

So what is this game about? Basically it's a third-person action RPG with a sort of dark medieval fantasy setting. The story is that the king of Boletaria found out that he could become super powerful by using the magic of souls. He became so mad with power that he made a real prick move and woke up an ancient slumbering demon called The Old One. Not cool.

Now hordes of demons have been unleashed and the kingdom surrounded by a wicked fog. Anyone who ventures in never returns. That's where you come in. Because you're a sturdy adventurer with testicles the size of coconuts, you decide to go there and kick some demon ASS!

Things start off pretty easy, with the tutorial taking it slow and holding your hand. You feel good, confident. Then as you reach the end, suddenly it lets go and *SLAP!!!!* YOU LIKE THAT??! THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE, BEEYOTCH!

And it never lets up. The game makes it clear that it wants you dead. And you will die, a lot. Any enemy in the game can paste you in a couple of hits. If you expect to button mash your way through, it will eat your nuts for breakfast. There's pitfalls, traps, spikes, black phantoms and so much more.

"Wah wah wah, that doesn't sound fair!" you cry. Well you're wrong, you baby. One thing that's great about the game is that it's tough but fair. There is a solution to everything. Unlike Ninja Gaiden or other games that require super quick reflexes, Demon's Souls is all about technique. Roll! Dodge! Block! Parry! Riposte! You must master all of these to survive. Slip up and you're dog meat.

The game does an excellent job of keeping you coming back for more. When you finally figure out how to beat a boss or enemy it's super rewarding. You might feel totally hopeless at first, but after a few tries when it suddenly clicks it's an amazing feeling. When you beat the game you will feel like a complete unholy bad ass.

Like NES games of old, Demon's Souls is out to get you. You will need to use everything at your disposal to win. Hints left by other players, talking to your friends, looking up stuff on the internet and resorting to a few dirty tactics are all fair game. If that sounds good to you, give it a look. Just ask yourself this question. Are you a bad enough dude to save Boletaria?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Cartoons based on Games

You know something I loved as a kid that seems lacking today? Cartoons based on video games. Remember the days when it seemed like every Nintendo game had it's own show? What the heck happened! Do kids even watch cartoons anymore? Who knows...

Step back to yesteryear and check out these intros, which are probably 100x better than the actual show.

I always wanted a Captain N jacket.

Hell yeah, Mario Bros and a sweet rap. I fucking loved this show.


I remember this show being pretty rad.

Such a bizarre show. I don't know who ever thought this was a good representation of the games...

The best song ever to use only 2 lyrics.

Hahaha oh Jim, how I miss you.

This one had some creepy CG animation, but it was still pretty funny. Diddy was always such a bitch.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Brink - A game that shows promise!

I saw a couple trailers for this upcoming FPS game called Brink recently. It looks to have some very neat features and I am surprised it hasn't generated much buzz yet.

is an upcoming first- person shooter developed by Splash Damage set to release in 2010. It offers team-based multiplayer missions with authored narratives, persistent player characters and an approachable nature. It is also developer Splash Damage's first original title, as past titles were part of franchises.

In Brink, two sides, "Resistance" and "Security", fight in the outskirts of a utopian city known as The Ark, a floating city surrounded by the waters of a flooded Earth. The Ark was designed as a prototype of a perfect city, with renewable resources and no pollution, large enough to support 5,000 residents. Its population has grown to 50,000 however, leading it to the brink (hence the name of the game) of a civil war.

So sayeth wikipedia. Anyway, the objective based game types look neat, as does the character customization. The art style doesn't do a whole lot for me but I have seen worse. What really makes me want this game is how you can interact with the environment. Check this out!

Cool huh?! It's like Mirror's edge...only good. I'd like to see more FPS games letting you do more than duck or go prone. Opens up huge possibilities. Here's some actual gameplay. Doesn't look too shabby either.

Post in a picture

Here is the article we are referring to.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Great Comic

If you are even remotely as nerdy as I am, you've probably heard of Scott Pilgrim. If you've read it, good for you! If not, you probably should. It really is something special. Check it out for yourself before the movie comes out this summer and it gets run straight into the fucking ground, like anything even remotely good.

So who is this Pilgrim and what's he about anyway? Good question my dear. It's basically a comic by Canadian author Bryan Lee O'Malley . It centers around a guy named Scott Pilgrim (named after a song by Plumtree) and his friends as he tries to win over the girl of his dreams (His actual dreams) by defeating her 7 evil ex-boyfriends.

There is also a gay room mate, a chinese stalker, half-ninjas, a job, vegans, bass battles, an evil ex-girlfriend and so much more craziness. But strangely enough that's only part of what makes it so good. What really grounds the story are the slice of life moments. Scott jamming with his (crappy) band, going out with Ramona or just playing video games.

The characters are all both believable and hilarious. Watching the band getting ready to play a set is as entertaining as watching Scott punch a guy into oblivion. The story will really speak to any jaded twenty-somethings who grew up playing video games and reading comic books. No job, sharing a crappy appartment, shitty band, complicated relationships, it's all there. Video game references are very important to the story, and if you are here reading this blog I'm sure you'd get a big kick out of it too.

The final volume of the comic is due out sometime around summer, as is the movie which I am still not completely sold on yet. But if any director can pull it off it would be Edgar Wright. Check out the trailer and see what you think!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Games I Like - Guerrilla War

As a child who didn't dream of owning a game where you play as Fidel Castro and Che Guevara liberating Cuba from the fascist El Presidente? What? I was the only one? That explains a lot...

Anyway, this is one of my favorite games from childhood and one of the few NES games I've ever beaten without game genie. What's so awesome about it? For starters, what isn't awesome about it? Nothing. You play as Castro and Geuvara (renamed Blue guy and Brown guy for the north american release) and blast your way through hordes of enemies, tanks, helicopters, trains, guys in bulldozers and I forget what else to liberate your un-named Cuba-shaped island.

The gameplay here is fast and furious, you are constantly firing and chucking grenades as you're attacked from all sides. The music is great and really pumps up the intensity. There are lots of power-ups like flamethrowers, rockets and smart bombs. You can expect to die a LOT on your way to the end. It's ok though because of one great feature.

Two player co-op, bitches! Whether intended or not, a side effect of having 2 players is that as long as one guy is alive the other can keep getting continues. So as long as you both don't die at once you can keep going. Hella rad. My brother and I spent so many hours playing this. We still get upset when the two bosses jump out of the bulldozer and fling you down that hole in the ground.

It is a really fun and hectic game, especially with a friend and I'm really disappointed that it doesn't get more attention. Check out this video for a taste of awesome.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Professor Moron and the Retarded God Damn Box

So in case you haven't guessed, lately the DS game that occupies most of my time has been the newest Professor Layton. The story is that the professor's old friend was killed because he opened a box that he probably shouldn't have. So then you have to board a train to find out who stole the box or something. I'll let you know when I figure out what the hell is going on.

At it's core the plot is actually sort of compelling, but Jesus christ it gets bogged down worse than a fat man riding a go kart through a muck hole. And why is this exactly? The god damned puzzles.

"But wait!" I hear you cry, "It's a Layton game, of COURSE there will be puzzles". First, quit talking down to me you smug bastard. And second, I knew what I was in for and I do love some puzzles. But like whacking off, there is a time and a place where it's appropriate. I'm pretty sure on a train while trying to track down the murderer of your mentor falls under the inappropriate column.

So while you're trying to do some investigating, these geniuses are busy turning every last thing into a frigging puzzle. And not only that but everything else also REMINDS them of a puzzle. "Hey professor I just dropped a wicked deuce in the toilet" "Gosh Luke that reminds me of a puzzle!" or else it will be "Luke you know what this puzzle reminds me of.......Another puzzle!" ARGHRGRH

You know maybe it's not even his fault, maybe he has ADD. I just think someone who has earned the title of professor should show a little urgency when his old pal has been murdered. Not that his apprentice is much better. What is he his apprentice of, eating paint chips?

After playing for a couple hours I still haven't really gotten anywhere. I spent about 15 minutes looking for this old woman's dog which this pair of brain trusts thought was a child. I knew it was a dog the whole time! Why would a fat old broad like that have a kid with her?!

The game is like that episode of Itchy and Scratchy where they are on their way to the fireworks factory, but then Poochy shows up and makes them solve puzzles for 20 minutes. I hope the damn train derails and kills the lot of them.

In short, I like this game but there are many puzzles.

Monday, April 12, 2010

A Very Cool Show

Allow me to introduce you to one of my favorite gaming related shows, Game center CX!

"What the hell is this, some crazy Japanese show?" you ask. Yeah, pretty much. Basically it's about this guy named Arino who goes around to arcades around Japan, talks to people in the game industry about many new games, as well as some classics.

The best part of it by far is Arino's challenge. In this segment he usually has to play some old, obscure or really difficult game and win his challenge by either beating the game or getting a certain item, reaching a set score, etc.

Arino himself is a funny guy who is entertaining to watch whether he succeeds or fails. The best part of it though is that he's actually not very good at the games he plays. In some cases he's terrible, but that's what makes it so great when he actually beats them.

Watching him trying so hard to win and enlisting the help of friends, pros and even the games' developers is really entertaining. It reminds me what's so great about playing games in the first place. You can't help but cheer him on. This is a great show and I wish we had something like it in North America. Check out a clip of it on youtube!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Features that should have become standard

With each new console generation there are many technological advancements that promise to completely change the way we play games. Usually early on in each console's lifespan is where we see the most experimentation when it comes to games. Ever play a game with a truly unique and well-designed feature and were sure this was the future of gaming, only to never see it get used again ever? Here are a few that stuck out to me.

1. Dedicated servers - Ok this one is incredibly obvious, but COME ON it's 2010 for christ sake. Matchmaking in console games ranges from decent to ass crap. There's no reason people can't have the option to host or play on dedicated servers. UT 3 and rainbox six had this option on 360.

2. Cover in FPS games
- I can only think of 2 games so far that had this. Rainbow six vegas and killzone 2. I think it could be improved upon but the concept is sound. Why the hell should I have to expose my whole body to look out of cover? It's a silly remnant of old game design.

3. Giving AI instructions
- AI may be vastly harder to improve upon than graphics, but I'd at least like to have the option to ask my squad mate for ammo, or tell them to stop running into the corner like a retard.

4. Destructible environments - Again this is something that can be difficult to pull off, but it adds so much to the game. Nothing is more infuriating than getting your tank stuck on a wooden fence or not being able to shoot your rocket launcher through a plywood door.

5. Active reloading - For anyone not familiar with the concept, in the Gears series when you reload your weapon a bar pops up and if you're able to hit reload again at the right moment you get a faster reload and a damage boost. It's a neat way to make one of the most repetitive tasks more fun and engaging.

6. NPC interactions
- In games right now NPCs serve basically 4 purposes: story exposition, vendors, quest givers or escort fodder. It would be nice to be able to be able to interact with them on a bit deeper level, even if it's something trivial.