Friday, August 20, 2010

WTF Japan? - Terrible names

I know I rip on some pretty blatantly weird stuff coming out of Japan, but here's something that seems to slip by unnoticed by a lot of people. Awkward, engrish-y names. I know some things are hard to localize, but jesus someone needs to try harder. I will list a few from recent memory and why they are awful.

Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep - How the hell do you get born by sleeping? If it was really that easy maybe women wouldn't need to get a needle into their spine!

Kingdom hearts: 358/2 Days - How do you even pronounce this one? Three fifty-eight over two days? Three hundred and fifty-eight divided by two days? This name makes me so angry I don't ever want to play a KH game.

Final Fantasy Versus 13 - Is it a sequel to FF 13? Actually no, it's not related at all. So why not call it FF 14? WHOOOOO KNOWS!

Blazblue: Calamity Trigger - I like this game and even I will admit the name is retarded. It's actually pronounced Blazeblue, which is slightly better so why not include the E? It's not wheel of fortune you don't gotta buy a fucking vowel! And what is a calamity trigger? Is it like an item you use to trigger a calamity? I have beaten this game and I still don't even know.

Blazblue: Continuum Shift - It's like they're trying to one-up themselves here with nonsensical crap. Continuum Shift sounds more like a corporate buzzword. Next up, Blazblue: Leverage Synergy.

Parasite Eve: The Third Birthday - So I guess they are trying to say its the third PE game? Why not call it Parasite Eve 3? If this game doesn't actually take place at a birthday party I will be super pissed.

Metroid: Other M - What is the other M?? Is it Mayonnaise? Mullets? Micromachines?? Ten bucks says they never even explain this one in the game.

Infinite Undiscovery - How exactly do you un-discover something anyway? We call that hiding stuff, genius. But it's also INFINITE! I picture a game about a guy that goes around burying treasure forever. That's probably more interesting than whatever the game is actually about.

Infinite Space - I love how redundant it is, without really telling us anything about the game.

Demon's Souls - Not a bad name, but the "apostrophe s" throws it all off. They weren't content with Demon Souls, they had to make sure we understand that these are the souls possessed by the demons.

Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor - I can't comment on the first half, because I have no idea what it means. But how do you survive the freaking DEVIL? Or does it mean that you ARE the devil and you've survived? Or is it based on the hit reality tv series, Survivor? So many questions, so few answers...

Flower, Sun, and Rain - This sounds like a gardening simulator, but it's actually a murder mystery. Neat.

Arc Rise Fantasia - Maybe if you're a fan of these games you know what this means. To me it's just gibberish.

Monster Hunter Tri - So this is monster hunter 3, basically. But they were too cool to call it that so it's Tri instead. Nice try guys, I see through your little charade.

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