Monday, February 28, 2011

Killzone 3 Review

Last night I finished off Killzone 3 after a few play sessions. I guess for most people that isn't much of an accomplishment, but for this guy who has finished maybe a quarter of the games I own, it's a milestone...or something. It also speaks to the quality of the experience.

There are tons of KZ3 reviews on the intertrons, but I haven't read any of them so forgive me if I am treading familiar ground. In no particular order here are my thoughts about the game.

First off, the controls. They are excellent. I wanted to like KZ2 but part of what killed it for me was the shitty controls. This time around they give you tons of room to customize them to your liking. It might take some tweaking to find what works for you, but when you do it's great. This also applies to the Move controls.

I'd say if you're waiting for that one game that makes good use of the Move and you can play for a while, this would be it. Even without the Killzone gun peripheral, the Move controls are excellent. I played the game about 50/50 with the Move and regular controller and enjoyed it both ways. I had best results setting dead zone and sensitivity to zero (I know that doesn't make any sense) and turn speed to 60-70. I left the auto aim feature off because I didn't understand how it worked and didn't need it.

But controls mean nothing if the game itself is shitty. Fortunately this is not the case. This is everything that the first 2 games should have been. The graphics are gorgeous. Sometimes I would just stand there, trying to take it all in. For a game that mostly takes place in a shelled out city, this game is so beautiful I was moved to tears (Metaphorically speaking). The guns all have a hefty feel to them, and navigating the levels is easier than ever.

They also try to mix up the gameplay with some stealth sections, vehicles and rail shooting. For the most part it works very well. I never got bored or felt like I was just trudging along. At the same time many of the environments are open enough that you don't feel like you are in a minecart ride just traveling down the rails, like in Call of Duty. But because many of the weapons and enemies are the same, if you played a lot of KZ 2 you will probably experience some deja vu. I know I was starting to by the end.

The only thing that has gotten worse since the last game is the story. I mean, it was shitty in KZ 2, don't get me wrong. But for the most part you could ignore it. Well in this game there's a cutscene every 3 minutes, no joke. What is a joke is the writing in this game. It's so awful it's just laughable. I sure hope you like to hear "JAMMER GET TO MY POSITION!!" and "LET'S KILL THE ISA!!!" because you are going to hear them 50 billion fucking times.

That's the real shame here. With a decent story, this game could have been really excellent. It's beautiful to look at, fun to play, and has enough meat on it between the single and multiplayer to keep you busy for a long time. With all the other ingredients in place, I think with good writing Killzone 3 could have become the vaunted "Halo killer" the original was supposed to be. If you can turn your brain off for a while, or if you thought Modern Warfare 2 was the pinnacle of modern story-telling, you will love this game.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Gemini Rue - A Great Indie Game

Like any big old nerd who owned a PC the 90s, I have an irrational love for Lucasarts and Sierra adventure games. So needless to say, Gemini Rue by Wadjet Eye Games had my name written all over it. Basically it's an old school point-and-click adventure that takes place in a sort of cyber-punk noire universe. It reminds me a lot of Blade Runner actually. Just check out this sweet trailer.


I bought it last night, and played for about a half hour. So far it's really good. The voice acting is a little corny in places, but this is an indie production. For $15 it's well worth buying if you like this kind of games. There's even a demo here so you can try it first.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Games That Need Sequels

With all the lackluster sequels being turned out these days, what's even more baffling is the list of games that haven't gotten a sequel. Here's a short list of 4 that we would love to see.


Guitar Hero - I will never forget the first time I held that tiny plastic guitar in my hands. I finally knew what it was like to be a true rockstar. No more looking like an idiot strumming that tennis racket. This was the real deal.

If Harmonix gets on the ball and makes a sequel I can really see this taking off. The potential for these "rhythm games" as I call them is endless. If they can do it with a guitar, they could make all kinds of plastic instruments...Flute, clarinet, oboe, and dare I say it.....Saxophone Hero. Fuck yes.


Medal of Honor - I know what you're all thinking. Why do we need a sequel to Medal of Honor when we have Call of Duty? Honestly, I can't really answer that. I just think it would be very cool to play a Medal of Honor game that visits some different fronts of World War 2. Imagine one that takes place in the Pacific and has you fighting the Japanese! Or how about Stalingrad?? Someone better be writing this down.


Grand Theft Auto - This was the first free-roaming sandbox shooting game I've ever played. It's so incredibly innovative, I can't believe nobody has tried to rip it off yet. You can pick up hookers, have sex with hookers, and kill hookers...in any order you please. I hope if they do make a sequel that they add a little more variety though. Maybe like robot hookers or something.


Every Nintendo Franchise - Let me just say that I love Nintendo. Their games are always so fun and innovative. Games like Metroid, Super Mario Bros, and The Legend of Zelda are some of my favorites. So I think it's about darn time they made sequels to all of these games! What are you waiting for Nintendo, do you hate money?!? I want to see more of these characters and their stories. What happens after Mario rescues the princess? Maybe Samus could look for more metroids on another planet? What if Ganon isn't really dead? So many possibilities!

I even had another idea for a game. I had this crazy dream where the characters just chill out together between games and play racquetball or go go-karting. No wait, that actually sounds kind of retarded. Forget I said anything.

Farewell Mygamercard.net


As you might have noticed, our gamer cards in the corner of the site no longer display anything. That's because the host site has finally been shut down. I'm really sad to see it go because it was a very useful service.

It's frustrating to read that one of the main reasons for the shut-down was lack of support from the Xbox Community Developer Program. This guy obviously put a lot of work into setting up the service that everyone could use for free, and Microsoft couldn't be bothered to throw him a bone. I'll be surprised if they don't come out with a (likely inferior) version of their own to replace it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Upgraded My PS3 Hard Drive


Recently I finally decided to go for a new hard drive, and I figured I'd post a little about it for anyone else who is looking for a little more storage capacity on their PS3.

The first thing I will say is that it is an incredibly painless process. I really have to give credit to Sony for this. I didn't have to take my console apart, or buy and special Sony branded overpriced shit. No transfer cables or content reactivation. Everything should be this simple.

I ordered a 2.5" SATA 500GB laptop hard drive off futureshop.ca for $60. When it finally came, all I had to do was use the backup utility to make a copy of all my save games and PSN titles on my USB hard drive. Then I turned the console over and took out a single screw. After sliding the hard drive's little enclosure out I undid 4 more screws and installed the new one in it's place. Then I booted up the console and ran the restore process. It took about half an hour to run, so I went and had lunch. Then when I came back everything was good to go.

Overall this was a great upgrade, and at 60 bucks it was very reasonably priced. Sure as hell beats paying $170 for a 250GB Xbox 360 Hard drive. Now that Sony's 3.56 firmware fuck-up that bricked consoles with upgraded hard drives has supposedly been fixed, this is an easy upgrade that I would recommend for anyone looking to get a bit more out of their PS3.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

WTF Japan? - Hyperdimension Neptunia

Konichiwa, kiddos! (That's japanese for What up?) It's time for another round of your favorite thing in the known universe, WTF Japan! We've got a real gem of a turd for you guys this week, a highly anticipated (Ok not really) JRPG exclusive to the PS3....Hyperdimension Neptunia (AKA a bunch of gibberish)!

In case you don't feel like clicking on that link (And who could blame you), this is a game that's supposed to be a parody of the current generation console wars, casting the Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, and the ill-begotten Sega Neptune (Yes, really) as super powered anime girls. You excited yet? You better fucking believe I am! I mean, what a novel idea. Now you fanboys can literally jerk off to your favorite console without feeling bad about it! (You probably should still feel bad though). And because I love you guys (And loathe myself), I sat down and actually played this....thing for a while.

When you start a new game, you're treated to a little intro where a book explains some crap to you. Then you get to watch the console...girl...abomination things yap at each other for a while. I cannot express in words how fucking painful this was so instead I will make a guttural sound.... NUUUUUUAAARGHHHH. The voices are piercing and shrill, with dialog so awful it had me mashing the skip button like it was a god damned quick time event. Also breast comparisons and the 'Wii' swearing like a sailor in the first 2 minutes. Can this game get worse? The gauntlet has been cast!

Next you get to your character (Who is a young girl, we are talking like 12 here) waking up and a super awkward cutscene of another girl on top of her 'bandaging' her chest....And the gauntlet has been picked up! Overall this game just gives me a really creepy vibe. Like my PS3 has uploaded me to some FBI watch list and Chris Hansen is going to pop out of my closet tonight like the Boogeyman in that Ghostbusters episode. I guess that is the point of the game, or something. There are young girls who transform into adults with rude titties...I don't know. I guess it is some kind of metaphor? Anyway thinking about this makes me want to drink bleach, so let's move onto the gameplay.

Now we get to the cherry on top of this shit sunday. Basically, imagine the worst JRPG you played on the PS2, now punch yourself in the nuts. That's about what it's like. The graphics and animation are absolutely terrible. The dungeons are basically corridors with nothing but a few chests in them. The combat is very basic. You stand there, trading attacks with your enemies ad nauseum. There is a sort of combo system in place, but it only elevates it above the level of 'completely intolerable'. You can't even use healing items yourself. You need to set an 'Item Skill' that will make them use it when they hit a certain health percentage. Only they won't always, which is retarded.
I soldiered on through the first two dungeons, but that is as far as my brain would let me go. Nothing else really noteworthy even happened. The most offensive thing about this game is that it is just boring as hell. I'm sure some nerds will suffer through it in hopes of seeing naked animes or something. I can't think of any other reason anyone would want to play it. I'm going to close this one by quoting a great man.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

MSPA: Homestuck

Ok, apparently I am only about a hojillion years behind everyone else on this. I've been seeing weird little MS Paint drawings floating around on the interbutt for a long time but never knew where they were from until recently.

Like all of you probably already know, they are from the most recent MS Paint Adventures series, Homestuck. Basically it's a comic...about a game....presented in the format of an old adventure game....or something. Is that video game related enough for you Jaison? If not I suggest you dial 1-800-Deal-with-it. Toll free, operators are standing by.

So there are tons of webcomics about games out there, big Ally Mcdeal. What makes this one different is how bizarre and hilarious it is. It starts off a little slow, but as the story progresses it gets totally batshit awesome. It focuses on a boy named John Egbert and his friends as they get caught up in a crazy, world-altering video game.

The author pretty much makes the story up as he goes along, and incorporates lots of reader suggestions into it. There are many animations and music, as well as spin-off games, comics, etc. It's amazing, if a little overwhelming to dig into. The story began 3 years ago, and is still on-going so there's a ton of content to catch up on. Great if you're looking for some evening reading material.

Moms Are Bad at Multiplayer


Hilarious.

I Still Don't Know Jack

My first memory of playing You Don't Know Jack was at a friend's house when I was 10. I couldn't believe how funny and entertaining it was, even for an ADD child like me. I never forgot about it, and it was only when playing the new You Don't Know Jack 15 years later on PS3 did I realize how much I missed it.

I think the worst part about Jack is that you can't really explain the appeal to someone who hasn't played it. It's a quiz game. And a fairly simple one at that. I guess you could tell them it's hilarious. Not just that but a special kind of wry, sarcastic and mocking hilarious. I was afraid that in these dark days where Two and a Half Men is considered the pinnacle of situational comedy, Jack's brand of humor and mid-90's sensibilities might go unappreciated. My fears were soon put to rest.

You can play with up to 3 other people in fairly short 10 question rounds or 'episodes'. At first I was a little worried because the question order for each episode is always the same. It doesn't attempt to mix the questions up. I thought this would suck playing against someone who has played the game before, but with over 70 episodes and the ability to pick which one you start with, repeating questions won't be an issue unless you play this game a fucking LOT.

The questions are a nice mix of pretty much every kind of trivia you can imagine. Luckily they don't tend to get too obscure so everyone can have a good shot at winning. The best part though are the responses. Cookie (The announcer) always has a smart remark to make, especially when you get the question wrong. It's worth getting a few wrong on purpose just to hear what he says.

So Jack is as great as ever. Unfortunately things have changed a bit since the 90s and a few other quiz games have come along. One of the best being Buzz. In terms of variety and pure entertainment value, sadly Jack just can't compete with Buzz as a party game. That's ok though since they both provide such a different experience that you should play both at your next party. For only $30 it's money well spent!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Duke Nukem Forever Interview

Here's a interview with Randy Pitchfork (CEO of Gearbox) on the upcoming release of Duke Nukem Forever.

In it he reveals amazing new gameplay elements liking using a urinal and playing pinball. Hell, you can even pick up a piece shit of out of a toilet. No wonder this game took 14 years to develop.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Playstation Move Round-Up

I know that a lot of people (Including Jaison) are still on the fence about the whole Playstation Move setup. It's understandable, as the selection of games so far is slim at best, and Sony has done a piss-poor job of marketing the thing. Well to shed some light on it and possibly help you make up your mind, here are my impressions of the games I have tried so far.

Time Crisis Razing Storm - This might seem like a great value as you get 3 games in one package. Unfortunately they are all crappy lightgun games. This really does nothing to show off how well the Move controls work. I would have much rather had a House of the Dead collection.

EchoChrome 2 - This is a sort of puzzle-platformer where you use your move controller like a flashlight to manipulate shadows and guide a shadow dude to an exit. Unfortunately even on high sensitivity the controls felt a little poopy. It didn't feel at all like I was holding a flashlight. The gameplay was ok I guess, but the classical music got on my nerves quickly. You can't even play a custom soundtrack. This is a good game....For me to poop on!!


Cabela's Dangerous hunts 2011 - This game was made to be used with it's own lightgun controller, but it's still compatible with the move and navigation controller. The aiming is decent for the most part, but moving and aiming is a huge fucking pain. It doesn't help that most enemies run straight at you, so you're constantly trying to turn around and move backward to shoot at them. Also the story is awful, and not in a funny way. In a pants-on-head retarded kind of way. The shooting galleries are very fun, but not worth the price of admission.

Start the Party - This game is actually a hoot, especially when you have people over. It's basically a minigame collection like Warioware, but all the minigames are fun and control very well. Only thing is that multiplayer is a one-at-a-time, pass the controller deal. Which actually isn't that bad because as the person is playing it's showing their image on the screen doing all kinds of silly things so the rest of you get to laugh at them.


PDC World Championship Darts - Your dad will love this game. Mine sure does. He kicks my ass at it every time. The graphics are mediocre, but it's fucking darts what did you expect? If you turn the aim assists down, it actually simulates the feel of darts quite well. The tournament and exhibition modes are fun and actually make it kind of exciting. There are tons of different games to play in party mode, so it's definitely one to play with friends. Your enjoyment of this game will depend mainly on how much you like darts, and how many friends you have.

Dead Space Extraction - I already talked about this one, but it is still in my opinion the best title for Move right now. The controls are excellent, and it has enough meat on it that it's something you will want to play even when there's nobody around for co-op. It's basically the only game I have that I would recommend for "serious" gamers.

As for the actual hardware, I have been impressed with it overall. You just plug the camera into your PS3, turn on the controller and you're good to go. You can use the motion controller to navigate menus and watch movies on your PS3 which is neat. You can even plug the camera into your PC and use it as a (low quality) web cam.

As much as I like the technology behind it, I still don't think the Move has graduated out of the novelty phase yet. I'd say right now it's worth getting if you have friends/family who are easily amused like mine. If you are a shut in who expects a much deeper experience from their games you will probably want to wait and see what the future brings. I am really looking forward to seeing how it works with Killzone 3 and I will let you guys know as soon as I find out!

Happy Valentines Everyone!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Ballin' Outta Control

A little while ago, a few guys from the Penny Arcade forums started work on a little game you may remember called Velociraptor Job Interview Simulator Pro. Well that game still isn't finished, but in the meantime they are working on a new project called Ballin' Outta Control. It looks like a mix of Portal, Marble Madness and Crysis. I can't wait to grab these balls! You could even say I want to put them in my mouth!...wait maybe that was too far.

Still, this looks really fun, and not too shabby for something a few guys made in their spare time. I can't wait till it comes out on Steam so I can suck on these balls....Urgh I mean...Dammit!


PS3 Hacker Raps at Sony


Now he's got 2 things in common with Lil' Wayne. Sick rhymes and he's going to jail.

Doug Huggem


Who's ready for sober game night?!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Pic of the Day

Duke Getting Mediocre Previews

I can't say I'm surprised, really. Disappointed, maybe. Everything that I've seen so far of gameplay from Duke Nukem Forever has not blown me away. Kotaku, IGN and Arse Technica all ran articles that pretty much read the same.

Part of me wants to believe that these guys just don't get it. I mean, IGN's distaste for something is usually a very good barometer of how much I'll enjoy it. Kotaku is well, Kotaku. And I've never heard of the other one. But as Jaison would say, sometimes even the blind squirrel catches the nut. I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that Duke Nukem Forever could suck.

Maybe suck is the wrong word. From what I've heard, they have put a lot of effort into the humor and interactivity of the levels, which is what we all love Duke for anyway. If I get some laughs out of it, I can forgive a lot of things. I did buy Deadly Premonition after all...

I think part of the problem is definitely people's unrealistic expectations. The original Duke 3D was very much a product of it's time. Like the invention of shrinky-dinks, the conditions just happened to be right at that exact moment in time and lightning struck. Duke never had what it took to become a franchise. What made it great was that it was so different. Even when I saw the first screenshots of Duke Nukem Forever in my cousin's PC Gamer magazine in '98 I didn't think it looked that interesting.

Of course so much of the reason the game is getting any attention is because of it's troubled history. I mean, waiting 12 years for anything is a big deal. I thought Shadow Warrior and Blood were both better games than Duke Nukem 3D, but when was the last time you heard someone talk about them?

Judging by the previews a lot of people have already made up their minds about the game. I think this is going to be polarizing to say the least. Some people will embrace it, despite it's faults and be glad to have another Duke game to play. Others will declare it a failure for not living up to their unrealistic expectations and talk smugly about how they predicted this failure all along. Well as my father would say, "Opinions are like scrotums. Everyone has one, and they're all hairy and covered in wrinkles." I'm still not sure what he meant by that.

All I can say is that after playing enough boring Call of Duty shit and Halo shit, I'm ready for something else. Even if it is just a different flavor of shit. Gearbox is taking a risk by bringing Duke back, and for that I think they at least deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Why People Hate Gamers


I blame it all on Johnny Arcade being such a massive fucking tool. Thanks, Johnny.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What I've Been Playing

For lack of anything better to post, here's what I have been playing lately and my thoughts on each game. Woo, effort!

Need For Speed Hot Pursuit - I didn't like this game at first. I thought the AI was total cheating bullshit. The rubber banding was pretty ridiculous. I just could never catch up with the other guys. Then I read a tip on the loading screen that says drafting guys is almost as good as boosting. So I drafted everyone and I couldn't believe what a difference it makes. It's kind of retarded how effective it is, but whatever. I am enjoying the game now but it's still not as fun as Burnout Paradise.


Mass Effect 2 - There are parts of this game I really like, but overall I just can't get into it. I think my main problem is that all the aliens talk and act just like humans. Where's Chewy, or those bug things from District 9? Most of the designs don't do anything for me either. It feels like a bad episode of Star Trek. You know, like the one where they went to the planet where everyone was a talking garbage can, then Data and Geordi switched brains. It's a shame too because the writing and voice acting is pretty good all around. Your party members are all entertaining and cool, especially Garrus. Dude is so fucking cool. I'll be coming back to this one periodically to try and finish it.


Little Big Planet 2 - What is there to say? It's like the first game, but different. There's lots to do, and more annoying characters that won't shut the hell up. Overall though it just feels too similar. The controls are still sucky, and co-op still turns into a frustrating mess with more than 2 people. You still have to collect every piece and sticker hidden in the levels to use them in create mode. Despite all this, the levels in the campaign are very impressive looking and the new powerups are fun to use. The new minigames are neat too, the mouse racing one is a hoot.


Dead Space Extraction - This game is way better than it has any right to be. Despite being a rail shooter, it's pure Dead Space all the way through. The controls are excellent on PS3, and it's by far my favorite Move game. Not bad for a Wii game repackaged as a bonus for Dead Space 2. What I like most though is that it actually has a coherent plot so far. There's a lot of voice acting and it's always entertaining. It sort of follows the reverse of the events in Dead Space 1, and it's very neat to see how things went down on the colony. A++ would recommend.


Final Fantasy 13 - I have been picking away at this one for a while now. I am like 4-5 hours in so far and really enjoying it. I know I am putting my balls on the line here, but it is a good game. I can't tell you how surprised I am to say that. I haven't enjoyed a FF game in a long time, and based on the character designs and new battle system/lack of dungeons I was ready to fart all over this game. Despite all this it remains enjoyable and I don't even know why.

The world is so bizarre, I never know what's going to happen next. The characters are various levels of annoying, except for Sazh. He's like the Danny Glover of Final Fantasy. Crazy anime shit happening all around him and he is just trying to get by. He is probably my favorite FF character for the fact that he is pretty much a normal guy, except with a bird living in his afro. It's japan, what did you expect?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Happy Now Jaison?


There, something that isn't just ostensibly video game related. My contract with the universe is fulfilled. Now we can stop fucking posting videos and do work.

Basically the Greatest Thing

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Dark Souls Interview

For everyone who's got a hard on for the next Demon's Souls game (Kranger, I'm looking at you) here's an interview with one of the producers of the game.

Friday, February 4, 2011

What Being a Gamer is All About


I think Keith is an example of what we all should strive for in life. Game skills, chicks, and looking exactly like Rambo.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Dead Space 2 Wrap-up


Well it's finally over. The necromorphs are gone, the world is saved and it's time to wrap things up. I finished Dead Space 2 tonight; it took me just over 10 hours on Survivalist difficulty. I took my time and had to redo some sections multiple times. So if you're playing on an easier difficulty, you can probably count on at least 8 hours, which isn't bad for a game like this.

Overall, my final impressions of the game are fairly consistent with my first impressions. The game is gorgeous, the action is great. The story sucks, which was pretty disappointing. Not that the first Dead Space was Shakespeare, but at least it was coherent. This game just feels very disjointed. The story is nonsensical enough when you have it all laid out for you, but in the game it's presented in bits and pieces, usually in the middle of something else. This makes it nearly impossible to follow. Which is sad when it pretty much boils down to "Find the marker and destroy it."

The setting didn't really do anything for me either. The first game does a great job of presenting the Ishimura to you. There's this beautiful in-game cutscene where you get to see it from outside in all it's glory. You really get a sense of how massive this thing is. The inside all looks very industrial, like you would expect a deep space mining ship to. It only adds to the creepiness of it all. Dead Space 2 takes place on The Sprawl, which is some kind of space city I guess? You never really get a sense that it is a living, breathing (in space olol) city. There are some very pretty things to look at, but they just didn't have the same impact for me.

As you may remember, I was not a fan of talking Isaac. Well I really disliked him for a good 75% of the game. He is basically a big whiney bitch. "Wah wah how do I open this door? Where is the marker, blah blah" But late in the game he seems to actually grow a pair, and shows some signs of growth as a character. I thought that was pretty cool and he started to grow on me. By the end I was cheering for him and ready to kick some ass. Only the last couple levels were pretty much a letdown and nothing as cool as the end boss of the first game showed up.

Also, when people call this more of an action game compared to the first, it's basically a lie. It plays very similar to the first Dead Space (Barring some cool scripted events) up until the last 3 levels, when the game just farts in your face and throws 50 hojillion tons of monsters at you. There's nothing as cool as the leviathan or the hive mind in this game. Just waves of monsters you've already seen before.

Overall I think that this game is a thrill ride that is definitely worth experiencing, even if it doesn't stay with you very long. Despite the story being a letdown, there's enough to do and see that I was always entertained, and wanting to play to reach that next save point. Even if I can't give this my Game of the Universe award, I think it deserves my Game of the Solar System award. And if you don't like it you can talk to the hand!

Dark Souls is Coming!


That's right, the sequel to Demon's Souls is coming next holiday season! Now to freeze myself in cryogenic stasis for 10 months. Best part is that it's coming to PS3 and 360! Not that Demon's Souls wasn't great on PS3 (It was), but this will mean even more people will actually get to play it.

Except for pussies like Jaison and Steve. You pussies!

The Sinner's Sandwich

Today I had some left over turkey in the fridge, so I decided to try my own sinner's sandwich. You may remember it from the blockbuster mega-hit Deadly Premonition. What, no? Just me? Anyway...


Ok we've got our bread, turkey, strawberry jam and cereal. Ready, Zack? Let's begin!


Two slices of premium whole wheat bread. The perfect start to a sinner's sandwich.


Next, the turkey and the butter. I know Zack, you prefer miracle whip.



Now for the strawberry jam. Something sticky and sweet, to make this sandwich a real treat. So says Mr. Stewart.


For that tasty crunch, we will add cornflakes.


I don't know, Zack. I have a hunch I might not like it...


This sandwich is good on it's own, but a glass of milk will strengthen our bones. So says Mr. Stewart.


CRUNCH....MUCH......GULP.....


I can't believe it....Zack, this is fantastic! It's really good. My coffee never warned me this would be so delicious. I'm changing my order from now on.