Ok Jack, with your latest bit of controversy setting the blogosphere ablaze, we're curious to hear your opinions of other gaming equipment on the market. So please take it away, the stage is yours.
Thanks guys, as a man with my finger on the pulse of the industry here's what I have to say about the competition as it stands.
X-Box 360 - My view of the whole "Microsoft experience" is that it's great for keeping retarded pot smoking college frat boys entertained. It's something to do between toking a bud and doing keg stands with the bros at Alpha Delta. No self respecting twenty-something is going to sit down and play crap like Halo or Gears of War while hitting off Trevor's wicked beer bong. He's much too refined for that.
Wii - My view of the "nintendo experience" is that it's great for keeping women entertained between doing the dishes and folding laundry. It's something they do because they can't play hardcore games like Call of Duty or Uncharted 2. Games like Cooking Mama and Wii Sports will keep them busy when they aren't cranking out babies, but no self respecting man is going to sit down and "waggle" a wii-mote. He's much too masculine for that.
iPhone - My view of this "Apple experience" is that it's a great tool for keeping hipsters entertained while they grow ironic mustaches and google obscure band names. They can't bring themselves to purchase a real piece of gaming hardware because it's like, too mainstream, man. It might be great for uploading your terrible poetry and locating the nearest cruelty-free vegan sushi co-op, but no self respecting human being is going to shell out 500 bucks for a stupid phone. They're too intelligent for that.
PC - My view of the whole "Personal computing" experience is that it's great for fat greasy nerds to set up MySQL databases and discuss the virtues of Linux over IRC. Have they even made a game for PC since the PS3 was released? Minecraft, what the hell is that? Sounds like a toy for gay babies. The PC might be good for updating idiotic blogs and torrenting episodes of Naruto, but no self respecting twenty-something is going to upgrade their video card every 2 weeks to get more than 10 FPS in Battlefield 3. He's too poor for that.
Thanks Jack, enlightening as always. Please be sure to get in touch with us again when you expel the next nugget of wisdom from your gaping hole.
NOTE: THIS IS A JOKE. PLEASE DON'T GET MAD AT US, WE OWN ALL OF THESE CONSOLES AND ARE ALSO FAT NERDS. THANK YOU