Friday, October 21, 2011

Guy Gets Pissed at Dark Souls, Writes Song About It

I can sympathize with this poor guy. I mean, I love Dark Souls. But god DAMN, this level is just one giant clusterfuck after another that will reduce you to a weeping, blubbering shell of a man. Anor Londo is like punishment from God. In a game known for being hard, it's like they just pulled out all the stops and decided to come to your house and stomp all over your fucking BALLS with steel toed boots.

The song doesn't even really touch on the worst part of the level. It's like "Here, fight these annoying giant statues that will paste you in two hits. Ok, now fight these fast annoying little gargoyle fuckers who will shoot lightning and stab you. But wait there's more!! Now run up this narrow walkway while two archers on both sides fire giant arrows which are literally the size of fucking LANCES at you!! And shit on your fucking face if you get hit because it's going to knock you off and you're going to DIE, asshole! And don't try to block them either because they will still knock you off and you will be DEAD! Now once you get to the top try to fight one archer while the other one shoots you in the back and knocks you off the ledge HAHAHA ARE YOU HAVING FUN YET SHITSTAIN?!!!"

This was the most frustrating part of anything ever, and I am not usually one to throw a controller but mine must have travelled at twice the speed of sound that day. This horrible ungodly travesty had me literally jumping up and down and throwing my shit in handfuls at the TV. After many tries I finally beat it and I thought the worst was past.

HAHA YEAH RIGHT, NEPHEW! This shit had not even begun! The bosses of this level oh my GOD the bosses. Yes I say bosses plural because you have to fight two of the fuckers at the same time. And once you kill one of them, the other one absorbs him to regenerate his full health bar and gain ungodly bullshit lightning powers. Also a retarded lightning buttslam that took off 3/4 of my health bar!!! Anyone who manages to beat this double shit sandwich supreme, come see me sometime and I'll buy you a drink. God knows you've earned it.


  1. Between the song and your rant, this has to be one of the funniest posts I have read yet on this blog.

    Well written! I can sense the hate. Hate leads to suffering...

  2. Thank you, you are too kind! No really... everything we write on here is terrible!

    Anyway everyone will be happy to know that I finally beat that level, my balls immediately grew to the size of coconuts and I became a real man that day. Then I got to move on to getting pissed off at a completely new level.