Guy builds 1:1 scale Enterprise in Minecraft.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
WTF Japan? - Dead Rising 2 Promotion
This one's for you, Jaison.
I guess the only way to promote a game with this much tits and ass is to film some girl's tits and ass while she plays it. Brilliant, guys.
I guess the only way to promote a game with this much tits and ass is to film some girl's tits and ass while she plays it. Brilliant, guys.
No New Consoles?!
Well that's news to me! According to Michael Pachter of Pach Attack in this article, anyway. I'm with the author of the article on this one. From what I've heard about cloud gaming services like Onlive, it's not feasible now, or any time within the foreseeable future. I think Pachter is a smart guy, but I also think he's wrong on this one.
I can't be the only one that find this notion hilarious. With every new console generation people start bellyaching about how PC gaming is dead. So in the future we're all going to be playing our games over the internet, on someone else's computers? I doubt it. This just seems like one of those Beyond 2000 shows where they predict that in 10 years we will have robot butlers and submarine cars.
What I do think we'll see is the definition of 'console' become more blurred. As devices like the iphone and ipad become more and more powerful, and are capable of running games that rival any current handheld. I also see PCs and consoles becoming more integrated. Right now I have my PC and ps3 networked, streaming video and music between them and transferring files through FTP.
It's a great setup and enhances both of their functionality. The new ability to watch netflix on the PS3 is also a neat feature. I'd like to see more of the flexibility of PCs transfer over to consoles in the future. Like how we've had skype and other sweet VOIP apps on the PC forever, but they still can't get voice chat or a decent party system working on PS3. Not to say I want consoles to become PCs, because they certainly have their own appeal. Buying a game and knowing it will work without spending $200 on a new video card is nice...
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Worst Final Fantasy Character
I originally planned on writing an article about how Final Fatasy 13 is actually pretty fun. But after Jaison threatened to come to my house and cut my dick off with his full size replica broadsword, I had to reconsider. I guess we have to maintain some shred of credibility.....yeah, who am I kidding.
As you may recall, earlier we all unanimously agreed that Mog is the best character ever. So if I asked you who is the WORST Final Fantasy character ever, you'd probably say "All of them from Final Fantasy 8". Well normally I'd agree with you. But that was before I played FF 13. All the retards from FF 8 (Plus Tidus!) have got nothing on this one girl.
Yup it's Vanille. Despite being one of the only characters whose name isn't already a noun (Lightning, Snow, Hope, Toaster, Chair...), she's pretty much the most detestable character in any game ever. She is the fucking Jar Jar Binks of final fantasy. Vanille seizes every opportunity to act like a complete retard and generally annoy the piss out of players in any way possible. I already have a little sister for that, thanks.
And don't even get me started on her voice. It's squeaky and annoying, yet still ditsy and moronic. Her accent changes constantly from Australian to New Zealand to Afrikaans to British and back again. To quote Adam Corolla "You must be good looking, because you're absolutely unbearable to talk to." I haven't even played the game very long and already my rage is building.
At first I thought "Maybe I'm being too harsh here, maybe she is actually mentally handicapped." Well if that was actually the case maybe I'd let it slide, because even to a video game character, I am not that big of a dick. But nope, according to the manual she is just fun loving and carefree, with a childlike innocence. If my child acted like that I would spank some sense into them tout suite.
Then of course there is her weapon. Is it a spear? Is it a sword? Or a magic staff? No, it's a folding fishing rod! I swear I am not making this shit up. How fitting that the lamest character should have the lamest weapon. Ok guys, time to let this franchise die. You've officially run out of ideas. Oh and guess what, according to wikipedia vanille IS already a noun, it's french for VANILLA! FFFFGUURRAWAH!!!
In short, there are many good things about Final Fantasy XIII but Vanille is not one of them.
As you may recall, earlier we all unanimously agreed that Mog is the best character ever. So if I asked you who is the WORST Final Fantasy character ever, you'd probably say "All of them from Final Fantasy 8". Well normally I'd agree with you. But that was before I played FF 13. All the retards from FF 8 (Plus Tidus!) have got nothing on this one girl.
Yup it's Vanille. Despite being one of the only characters whose name isn't already a noun (Lightning, Snow, Hope, Toaster, Chair...), she's pretty much the most detestable character in any game ever. She is the fucking Jar Jar Binks of final fantasy. Vanille seizes every opportunity to act like a complete retard and generally annoy the piss out of players in any way possible. I already have a little sister for that, thanks.
And don't even get me started on her voice. It's squeaky and annoying, yet still ditsy and moronic. Her accent changes constantly from Australian to New Zealand to Afrikaans to British and back again. To quote Adam Corolla "You must be good looking, because you're absolutely unbearable to talk to." I haven't even played the game very long and already my rage is building.
At first I thought "Maybe I'm being too harsh here, maybe she is actually mentally handicapped." Well if that was actually the case maybe I'd let it slide, because even to a video game character, I am not that big of a dick. But nope, according to the manual she is just fun loving and carefree, with a childlike innocence. If my child acted like that I would spank some sense into them tout suite.
Then of course there is her weapon. Is it a spear? Is it a sword? Or a magic staff? No, it's a folding fishing rod! I swear I am not making this shit up. How fitting that the lamest character should have the lamest weapon. Ok guys, time to let this franchise die. You've officially run out of ideas. Oh and guess what, according to wikipedia vanille IS already a noun, it's french for VANILLA! FFFFGUURRAWAH!!!
In short, there are many good things about Final Fantasy XIII but Vanille is not one of them.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Games To Play With Your Dad
I had this weekend off, so I decided to spend some of it hanging out with my dad. Naturally the bulk of our time was spent playing video games, so I figured I'd compile a short list of games that are fun to play with your dad (Or alternately, your 5 year old).
Guitar Hero/Rock Band - My dad really enjoys the guitar hero games. He always plays bass on easy or occasionally medium if he's feeling pumped. I own Rock Band for PS2, but a lot of the songs are too weird for him to get into. Also forget drums or singing. If there was a Bass Hero I'd just buy him that instead.
Split/Second - This is a good racing game for dads because it's not overly technical. Brake, gas and one button to explode things. Lots of crazy stuff going on, it's a real hoot especially the mode where the trucks drop exploding barrels on you.
Castle Crashers - I thought this would be a little too difficult for my dad, but it turns out he loves it. He doesn't quite grasp stuff like blocking or magic, but it's still a great button mashing beat 'em up. Being able to revive other players is a godsend. Scott Pilgrim might also be a good dad game but we haven't tried it yet.
Soul Calibur - Any fighter that rewards wild button mashing will do, but for some reason he enjoys Soul Calibur the most. Probably because he can make his own character that looks like a viking with a big-ass hammer.
Little Big Planet - This is more of an advanced dad game. The controls are simple and there's plenty of silly stuff to keep him entertained, but the floaty platforming makes it frustrating. We can only get so far in the singleplayer because some of the jumps are just too hard for him to make.
Blur - Ok, this game was MADE for dads. I think it's by far my dad's favorite game. It's basically Mario Kart but with real cars. Even if you're not skilled at racing games you can often win just by pure luck. He always beats me with the damn volkswagen beetle and it is super frustrating.
So there are just a few. Of course the standard Wii sports games like bowling and golf apply but you already knew that. I am going to pick up Playstation Move at some point to see how well they go over with my dad, so stay tuned!
Guitar Hero/Rock Band - My dad really enjoys the guitar hero games. He always plays bass on easy or occasionally medium if he's feeling pumped. I own Rock Band for PS2, but a lot of the songs are too weird for him to get into. Also forget drums or singing. If there was a Bass Hero I'd just buy him that instead.
Split/Second - This is a good racing game for dads because it's not overly technical. Brake, gas and one button to explode things. Lots of crazy stuff going on, it's a real hoot especially the mode where the trucks drop exploding barrels on you.
Castle Crashers - I thought this would be a little too difficult for my dad, but it turns out he loves it. He doesn't quite grasp stuff like blocking or magic, but it's still a great button mashing beat 'em up. Being able to revive other players is a godsend. Scott Pilgrim might also be a good dad game but we haven't tried it yet.
Soul Calibur - Any fighter that rewards wild button mashing will do, but for some reason he enjoys Soul Calibur the most. Probably because he can make his own character that looks like a viking with a big-ass hammer.
Little Big Planet - This is more of an advanced dad game. The controls are simple and there's plenty of silly stuff to keep him entertained, but the floaty platforming makes it frustrating. We can only get so far in the singleplayer because some of the jumps are just too hard for him to make.
Blur - Ok, this game was MADE for dads. I think it's by far my dad's favorite game. It's basically Mario Kart but with real cars. Even if you're not skilled at racing games you can often win just by pure luck. He always beats me with the damn volkswagen beetle and it is super frustrating.
So there are just a few. Of course the standard Wii sports games like bowling and golf apply but you already knew that. I am going to pick up Playstation Move at some point to see how well they go over with my dad, so stay tuned!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Games I'm Not Getting
Wow, this holiday season is literally chock full of awesome releases. I know you guys are all keen to know what games I am picking up, but there are so damn MANY that it's easier for me to list the ones I am not getting and why.
NBA 2k11 - The last basketball game I played was Barkley's Shut Up and Jam on the genesis. As far as I am concerned it's the only one I need.
DJ Hero 2 - I tried to play the demo for this but it wouldn't let me because I haven't purchased the DJ Hero Controller. I'm not going to invest in this shit without trying it first!!
Fallout : New Vegas - I am perfectly happy with Old Vegas, thanks.
The Sims 3 - I can think of much better ways to occupy my girlfriend....If I had one.
World of Warcraft Cataclysm - I don't play WoW, so I am not buying this expansion pack when I have nothing to expand upon!
God of War: Ghost of Sparta - I like God of War but I still need to play the 3rd one so I don't want to spoil the story, maybe I will buy it later.
Epic Mickey - This game looks kind of lame and also I don't own a Wii.
Driver : San Fransisco - I played the first one on PS1 and liked it but then I got the second one and it got a scratch on it. I never finished it so playing this would just be too weird.
The Amazing Race - The only way I would buy this is if there was a minigame where you have to smack yourself in the face with a watermelon.
Kirby's Epic Yarn - This game looks pretty cool, I have always been a fan of Kirby but I don't own a Wii.
Two worlds 2 - So what are we up to now, 4 worlds? I'm sorry but that's a bit excessive. I'll pass.
NBA 2k11 - The last basketball game I played was Barkley's Shut Up and Jam on the genesis. As far as I am concerned it's the only one I need.
DJ Hero 2 - I tried to play the demo for this but it wouldn't let me because I haven't purchased the DJ Hero Controller. I'm not going to invest in this shit without trying it first!!
Fallout : New Vegas - I am perfectly happy with Old Vegas, thanks.
The Sims 3 - I can think of much better ways to occupy my girlfriend....If I had one.
World of Warcraft Cataclysm - I don't play WoW, so I am not buying this expansion pack when I have nothing to expand upon!
God of War: Ghost of Sparta - I like God of War but I still need to play the 3rd one so I don't want to spoil the story, maybe I will buy it later.
Epic Mickey - This game looks kind of lame and also I don't own a Wii.
Driver : San Fransisco - I played the first one on PS1 and liked it but then I got the second one and it got a scratch on it. I never finished it so playing this would just be too weird.
The Amazing Race - The only way I would buy this is if there was a minigame where you have to smack yourself in the face with a watermelon.
Kirby's Epic Yarn - This game looks pretty cool, I have always been a fan of Kirby but I don't own a Wii.
Two worlds 2 - So what are we up to now, 4 worlds? I'm sorry but that's a bit excessive. I'll pass.
Another Awful Name
Regardless of how you feel about the actual game, I think we can all agree that Dissidia 012: Duodecim Final Fantasy is a fucking terrible name. I don't even know why these awkward, bizarre, engrish-y names drive me right up the god damned wall. I can't be the only one can I?
I cry a single Indian tear every time I watch these jerkwads brutally mangle the English language, slam it's head in the car door, piss on it and leave it for dead. It's just not right...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sony Being Dicks Again
I don't know if that's news any more than the sun rising in the morning or Paris Hilton snorting coke. Regardless, there you go. The gist of it is basically that among borking various other things, Sony's new 3.50 firmware update disables most unlicensed USB controllers.Of course this is in response to the USB mod chips, but leave it to Sony to fuck over their customers in an attempt to cover their own asses. I want to feel sorry for you Sony, but you make it so damn hard sometimes.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
New Bioshock is going to bio-rock!
It took me like an hour to come up with that one.
Fan-FUDGING-tastic. I know it seems sort of gimmicky that they just moved rapture to the sky, and as usual the symbolism couldn't be more heavy handed if it was wearing a lead glove filled with osmium. But you know what? I don't care said Pierre.
The city itself has always been the star of the show and it looks beautiful. The characters could all be talking turds that speak in farts and I will still buy this game.
Fan-FUDGING-tastic. I know it seems sort of gimmicky that they just moved rapture to the sky, and as usual the symbolism couldn't be more heavy handed if it was wearing a lead glove filled with osmium. But you know what? I don't care said Pierre.
The city itself has always been the star of the show and it looks beautiful. The characters could all be talking turds that speak in farts and I will still buy this game.
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