Dead Space 2 - Multiplayer Boogaloo

If you've been reading the reviews of Dead Space 2 on some of the major sites, you have probably gotten a pretty bad impression of the multiplayer. I found IGN's review to be exceptionally retarded (What else is new?). Anyway I am going to set the record straight.

After logging a few hours, I am still really enjoying it. I know what you're thinking, "Bloo a bloo of course you like it, you are gay for dead space!" Well to those people I say, go eat a penis pie. I have bought plenty of games fully intending to like them, only to end up very disappoint. I know a turd when I smells one, and I'm not just out to justify my purchases or my own fanboy-ism. You can take that to the bank! The blood bank.

So anyway, multiplayer. Basically one team plays as the humans and tries to complete multiple objectives while the other team plays as the necromorphs and tries to stop them. The humans are armed with assault rifles and their choice of secondary weapon from the main game. You really need to work together because many of the objectives require transporting a component or arming a bomb, which is almost impossible to do by yourself. Even so, humans are quite strong and in a 1 on 1 fight with a necro they will almost always win.

"Wah wah necros are so underpowered!" is what a lot of people are saying. Well these people should stop eating fucking paint chips for a minute and learn how to play the game. The key to doing well as a necromorph is strategy. Know that you are disposable. You're going to die, a lot. This is not Call of Duty. Your goal is not to get 1000 million kills and stroke your e-penis all day. You are there to impede the progress of the humans for as long as possible to keep them from getting their objective.

"Hurf durf how is that fun?" You ask. Well it's basically a license to be a complete dick. Gang up on humans, gank them from behind, jump on their heads and rip their guts out. Wait till a human runs by, then jump out of a vent and attack. Use your execution attacks to immobilize them while your team mates rip them to pieces. The twist for necros is that the more powerful types take longer to respawn. So if the humans are just about to arm the bomb, for fuck sake don't wait 7 seconds to spawn as a spitter. Spawn as an evil baby and jump on their back!

So while it might be great fun, I'll be the first to say it isn't perfect. For one, there really needs to be more of a tutorial. Even I found it pretty confusing at first, and in this age of spoonfeeding morons everything, I can see why a lot of people just dismissed it right off the bat. Also the unlock system is pretty weak. Many of the unlocks are stuff like "Do more melee damage" or "Increased range attack". I know every game now has to have some contrived exp system like CoD, but it seems stupid to make people who've played longer straight up more powerful.

I have various other small complaints, like lack of maps (There are only 5) and no way to mute people in-game. But overall I am still really enjoying it. The mechanics are sound and the gameplay is fast and furious. It's not the deepest multiplayer experience, but what's the point of giving people tons of maps and options when all they want to do is play with AK74u on Nuketown...