World of Tanks - Big D Review

Haha, I bet you didn't think I would really play this game did you Jaison! Well if the name alone wasn't enough to entice me, I had heard that it is actually super fun. So here is my experience in the wonderful world of tanks.


When someone mentions World of Tanks, your first question might be "The game, or the planet?" Well this review is of the Free or Pay to Play MMO game coming out soon on PC (It's currently in beta). Basically it's like an MMO in that you train your crew, earn money and exp to upgrade your stats, buy new tanks and refill your bullets.

It's not like an MMO in that it plays in rounds like a standard deathmatch game where you die and have to sit out till the end of the round, or leave the match and find another one. It's really straightforward. Your team starts at one end of the map, the other guys at the opposite end. You drive around, hide in bushes and blow the piss out of each other. It's a MMO about tanks. Honestly, I don't know how much more you could expect.


But who cares about all that? Probably nobody. The real question to answer in this paragraph is "Is the game really fun?" and to that I answer Maybe. I say that because I really am not sure yet.

You start off with these rolling fart boxes that can only be described as tanks in the loosest terms. They are slower than snail shit, can't hit the broad side of an aircraft hanger and crumple like a tin can if you even sneeze on them. They are the fucking Ford Fiesta of tanks. I hope you like getting killed by pretty much everything, because you certainly will.


Playing with the starting tanks is an absolute chore. But everyone kept saying "Oh yeah they suck bad, but once you unlock new tanks and upgrade your guys, the game starts getting really fun!" And maybe it does. I don't know I gave up after a couple hours, I'd rather pound nails through my dick than play any more.

To me this is pretty much the opposite of good game design. You're supposed to make things easy and rewarding in the beginning, ease people into the grind. Then when they are hooked you crank up the bullshit dial to eleven.


Anyway, I really like the idea of upgrading and outfitting my totally bad ass tank crew then pitting them in battle to win money for bigger guns and armor. If the actual gameplay was a little less crap-diddly-appy to start out, I probably would have played it much more. Sorry World of Tanks, you lose this round. No beggin' strips for you my friend!