Third Strike on XBLA?!

Apparently so! According to this article, anyway. Freaking SWEET! Granted there isn't much info to go on yet but that's ok with me! My favorite (and the best) Street Fighter is finally coming back. YESSSS!

They also say if you want any features added or changes made, write to Capcom Unity. Here's my change, take Ken out of the game! Then jaison won't have shit! You hear me Jaison, SHIT!! That's what you will not have any of, when I am kicking your sorry butt!

All About Progression

As you may have learned from my review, I didn't have a great time with World of Tanks. So naturally it came as a huge surprise to me that I was actually somehow compelled to keep playing it, even though my gaming ADD has forced me to abandon tons of games I actually ENJOY.

So what was it about this game that compelled me to keep playing? That's easy, captain. Progression. Just seeing that exp bar fill up and thinking about my next upgrade was enough to make me feel good inside and give some purpose to my empty, pointless life.


Humans are funny like that. Even the illusion that what we are doing is somehow building to a worthwhile conclusion is enough to keep us slogging away. Are we really that easy to manipulate? Over 11.5 million World of Warcraft subscribers would probably agree.

So it should come as no surprise that every other game developer has figured out that rewarding players who spend tons of time playing their game with some form of progression is a surefire way to keep people playing. I think we can give credit to Infinity Ward for discovering that people just love getting experience points, even if it makes no sense in any context. Then, instead of giving players all their weapons and equipment from the start, let's make them unlock everything by earning arbitrary amounts of experience points!


At first I thought it was absurd and shallow. Really, people will piss away hours of their life for a new emblem? That's just sad. But I'd be a liar if I said I didn't spend hours in Modern Warfare using guns I hate just to get the title and icon for them...

So now every game has levels. You level up in car racing, zombie killing, horse riding, street fighting, space jousting, scone eating, etc. However, progression alone isn't enough to keep people playing a shitty game indefinitely. But it IS enough to make a decent game much more addictive.

Maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to any of you. I mean, there are already so many examples of this in real life. People working awful, soul crushing jobs with the hope that one day they will reach the top of that corporate ladder and it will all be worthwhile. We also know that most people never get there, and in the end it probably isn't.


Perhaps that's why we like progression in video games so much. We know with 100% certainty that our efforts are going to be rewarded. No butt kissing branch manager is going to steal our level-up. We don't have to wait for a rank 50 general to retire before we can reach our next rank. Our wife isn't going to divorce us and take half our unlocks. It really is escapist fantasy at it's purest.

Some interesting stuff to think about for sure. So what is my point here? I guess I am saying play the games that you like, but stop once in a while and ask yourself if you're really having fun. Is the reward really worth the time and effort you're putting in? There are a lot of times I'd truthfully have to answer "No."

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got 5 more bronze stars to earn in Bad Company.

Terrible Box Art From the Future

This game isn't even out yet and already I don't want to buy it.

World of Tanks - Big D Review

Haha, I bet you didn't think I would really play this game did you Jaison! Well if the name alone wasn't enough to entice me, I had heard that it is actually super fun. So here is my experience in the wonderful world of tanks.


When someone mentions World of Tanks, your first question might be "The game, or the planet?" Well this review is of the Free or Pay to Play MMO game coming out soon on PC (It's currently in beta). Basically it's like an MMO in that you train your crew, earn money and exp to upgrade your stats, buy new tanks and refill your bullets.

It's not like an MMO in that it plays in rounds like a standard deathmatch game where you die and have to sit out till the end of the round, or leave the match and find another one. It's really straightforward. Your team starts at one end of the map, the other guys at the opposite end. You drive around, hide in bushes and blow the piss out of each other. It's a MMO about tanks. Honestly, I don't know how much more you could expect.


But who cares about all that? Probably nobody. The real question to answer in this paragraph is "Is the game really fun?" and to that I answer Maybe. I say that because I really am not sure yet.

You start off with these rolling fart boxes that can only be described as tanks in the loosest terms. They are slower than snail shit, can't hit the broad side of an aircraft hanger and crumple like a tin can if you even sneeze on them. They are the fucking Ford Fiesta of tanks. I hope you like getting killed by pretty much everything, because you certainly will.


Playing with the starting tanks is an absolute chore. But everyone kept saying "Oh yeah they suck bad, but once you unlock new tanks and upgrade your guys, the game starts getting really fun!" And maybe it does. I don't know I gave up after a couple hours, I'd rather pound nails through my dick than play any more.

To me this is pretty much the opposite of good game design. You're supposed to make things easy and rewarding in the beginning, ease people into the grind. Then when they are hooked you crank up the bullshit dial to eleven.


Anyway, I really like the idea of upgrading and outfitting my totally bad ass tank crew then pitting them in battle to win money for bigger guns and armor. If the actual gameplay was a little less crap-diddly-appy to start out, I probably would have played it much more. Sorry World of Tanks, you lose this round. No beggin' strips for you my friend!

How to Make Your Games Funny

More game developers need to watch this! Just like we all need to watch more Three's Company.

A Funny Banner Ad

(Click for big)


Take that, colorblind people!

The Hell?!

Holy cow! A new Marvel vs Capcom was a nice surprise. But I never would have dreamed this in my wildest fantasies! Sure we've had Capcom vs SNK, Marvel, Tatsunoku, Aliens, Predator, Freddie, Jason. Ok some of those are made up.

But STILL! This is pretty awesome. Jin vs Ryu, Heihachi vs Gouken, Ken vs Paul, Zangief vs Jack, Dan vs a bear. There's potential for TONS of crazy matchups. It's looking like a good year for fighting games already.

Gamefeld

Jaison Playing Street Fighter Online

Alien Swarm - "Free but still good!"

Do you like the movie Aliens? Do you like co-op survival horror like Left 4 Dead? Do you like FREE?! If you don't like any of those things, you're probably a filthy commie. So get out, this isn't FOR you.


Everyone else check out this incredible game from Valve. It's not one of those "Pretty good for a free game" deals, it's a fucking sweet game that just happens to be free. Hey Robert Kodick, you feel that? That's Valve's foot kicking you squarely in the junk!

The gameplay is super fun and frantic, with lots of equipment and weapons to unlock. I haven't even gotten a chance to play co-op yet, but I have a feeling that's where the game truly shines. But don't take my word for it, watch this video!



As a side note, if the game crashes for you when starting up just update your video card drivers to the latest. That fixed all my troubles.

Surprise of the Century

Marvel vs Capcom 3 is going to have a crap load of characters!

The game is going to have Chun Li and Dr. Doom? Wow, I'd actually be a lot more surprised if they WEREN'T in it. Super Skrull looks potentially interesting. Trish seems like kind of a lame addition though. If they just HAD to use a girl from DMC, I think Lady would have been much cooler.

Also, with every new video I watch I start to dislike the art style a little more. I can't put my finger on it exactly. Just seems a little bland. Street fighter made the transition to 3D pretty well but this just seems lacking to me. I am much more excited about the new Mortal Kombat at this point.

Secret Weapons - Awesome Toilet

As a gamer, I know that an all night LAN session fueled by doritos and grape Big 8 can bring on some righteous power-shits. Well rest easy my friends, you are no longer slaves to the safety flush!

How NES Games Are Made

While I am recovering from my near death Virtual Boy experience, I am gonna take it easy tonight and suggest you check out this really neat article about how Famicom (Japanese NES) games were made, circa 1989!

The site layout is pretty bad, but it's still a really interesting read. I love reading more about what goes on behind the scenes at game companies. It's amazing to see, like watching bacon being made.

The Virtual Boy Challenge

Ok, this is it. Man vs machine in the ultimate match up! But before we meet our contenders, I need to take some precautions first.

OK, now that the soda has been secured let's meet our first contender! Weighing in at 170 lbs, the Mandana with the Bandana , The Beard to be Feared.....BIIIIIIG D!

In the other corner, weighing in at 2 lbs 3 ounces....It's the console you can't help but love to hate, VIRTUAL BOOOOOOOYYY!

The rules are simple: 2 hours with no breaks allowed! The games will be Mario Tennis and Wario World (The only two I own!) HEAVEN OR HELL! DUEL 1: LET'S ROCK!

First up was Mario Tennis. This one didn't get played very long because the AI is complete cheating bullshit. Even on easy difficulty it made me want to smash a bro. I ended up playing Wario Land for the remainder of the challenge.

So far so good!

Time dragged on soooo slowly. It was mostly due to the fact that I was super uncomfortable. I had to squish my big old nose in there and my neck cramped up pretty badly. My eyes were watering and by the end I was a hurting unit.

Thank GOD that's over now! I think I'm gonna....wait wh.....what's that?

Oh god! oh wait no...OH NO!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAARWAHRRRGLEBLARGHLBLARGL

Remember the Virtual Boy

A recent post on Pacroid highlighting some of the possible health risks of new 3D technology got me thinking about the good old Virtual Boy. Nintendo's very own red headed step-child.

You know a console didn't do very well when you ask people about their memories of it and most respond, "Oh yeah, I played one in the store one time." or "I played it a couple times at my rich friend's house as a kid."

Well like most people, my only experience with the Virtual Boy was at our local Zellers store. I played Red Alarm and the boxing game. My brother and I used to trade off every 10 minutes, to avoid whatever terrible consequences would befall those who played more than the 15 minutes recommended. I remember enjoying it enough to beg my mother to buy me one.

Then she read a story about a girl who played Virtual Boy for a while then got up and started pouring soda pop into her eyes. Well that was the end of my Virtual Boy owning dreams. She said, "No son of mine is going to play a video game and pour soda into his eyes!!!"


I remember hearing a lot of urban legends about people passing out from playing too long, or vomiting after 30 minutes. It was enough to scare me away from wanting to buy one. It seemed I was destined to never own a Virtual Boy......UNTIL....One day a year ago, my mom brought one home from the thrift store. I think she payed like 5 bucks for it. We planned on eBaying it, but never got around to it for whatever reason. So it sits in a box in my closet.....

UNTIL NOW!! That's right, in the interest of science I am going to play my virtual boy for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT, without taking any of the recommended breaks. What will happen to me??!! I have no idea! I'm afraid but also really curious. I need to find out!! God I hope I don't pour pop in my eyes!

Enslaved - A game that shows promise!

I won't lie, after playing many modern FPS games this looks like a breath of fresh air. Gorgeous, super colorful environments. I'm not too crazy about some of the designs, but they could grow on me. Either way I am really looking forward to this game in october!

Video Game Paper Crafts

If you're a big fat nerd like me, chances are you like to put video game figures (Not toys mom, FIGURES!) and ornaments all over your room and work space. If you're like me you have also noticed how darn expensive this stuff is.

Well one day I read about paper crafting. To me it sounded genius. Make your own figures! Out of paper! That stuff is so cheap, it practically grows on trees!! You could even say it IS trees!....wait no, that's stupid. Anyway just look at some of the kick ass stuff people have made.





I was thinking to myself, "Hey, this can't be so hard. I am a smart guy, I can figure it out." So I tried my first one. It was the prince from katamari damacy. It was fun but I quickly learned 2 things. First, I am not that smart. And second, it's a lot harder than it looks. So many tiny things to try and glue. The Japanese must have invented this for sure. My fat gaijin hands just crumpled it all up.

Anyway if you want to try your own there are a few good sites for it here and here

How to Get a Nintendo Seal

I've played enough terrible Nintendo games over the years that I am thinking this is pretty accurate.

A Better World

Here is a game I would buy from the name alone. Picture it...a world of tanks. Isn't it beautiful? The only games I would like more are World of Dinosaurs, or World of Tits.

I Love This Cover

From Jaleco, the makers of Bash Foot™ and Explode Dick™!

Games I Like - F.e.a.r. 2 : Project Origin

This has to be the most unappreciated game of 2009. I blame the retard who thought it was a good idea to release it in the same month as over-hyped Killzone 2. Luckily I'm here to set you straight and tell you how much ass this game really kicks. (Namely Killzone 2's)

You play as Sgt. ahhhh...hmmm...whatever the fuck his names is, on a mission to take the president of Armaham (evil corporation) into protective custody, 30 min before the explosion that ends the first game. This is probably my biggest problem with the game, if you're like me and didn't play the first Fear, they really don't explain what's going on very clearly. Basically there's a couple of military factions to shoot and a psychic psychopath called Alma to take down. But all in a day's work for Sgt. what the fuck right.

Muddled back story aside, it's really the great mix of action and horror that propels you though the game. It's like the suspense of a Dead Space mixed with the action of a Call of Duty. I'm still surprised how well they blend together.


The best part is when you get to drive an armored mech. This actually put me off the game at first. Not that driving around in a giant suit of armor, blowing the hell out of shit isn't awesome. But games where mechs aren't the main focus rarely pull them off well. Fear 2 on the other hand is not one of them. The mechs control great and look even better. Little things like the way the HUD powers up, to the grain on the screen really makes you feel like you're in one of those giant metal beasts.


Which brings me to the art design. It's hard to put my finger on why but I really like art style in this game. Nothing in it particular stands out about it aside from the incredible special effects. It must be the way it blends sci-fi, with horror, with everyday places. No one element over powers the other or feels out of place.

Anyway I could probably keep raving about this game forever but I'll spare you for now. Check out this trailer to see what I'm talking about.

Playstation Ad that never was

Us Playing Street Fighter

(Click for BIG)

The Best Box Art (Jaison's Pick)

I know, I was as surprised as you are. But after a lot of discussion I gotta agree with him on this one. At first it seems pretty straightforward, but there's actually a lot more going on here than meets the eye.

Looks like a hunter about to get mauled by a bear, cougar, wolf and other animals. He's proper fucked! But wait, it's just like the part in Men in Black where Will Smith is at the shooting range.

That bear has his head cocked sideways as if to say "Aaaawww jeah what up DAAAAWGS!" The caribou is all "Yea yea let's PAR-TAY!" And that cougar, it's totally just going for a high-five. The wolf is grinning cause he is so happy to be there with his pals. My dog does that all the time. It's seriously going to be a rockin' party!

But of all those animals why did the hunter decide the pheasant deserves to die? Think about it, some weak-ass bird hanging around there by himself, trying to run with a bunch of carnivores. Dude is definitely UP to something!

And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it.

The Best Box Art

I know this is completely subjective, and tons of people (including Jaison) will probably disagree with me. But this has got to be (in my opinion) unironically the best video game box art yet. I'm not even sure what it is about it I find so appealing.

The overall color scheme is great. The reds and oranges are so intense you can practically feel the heat. With the green on the space marine's armor drawing your attention toward him. He's being overrun by these demons, fighting to his last breath while his buddy tries to reach him in time. The imps are cackling as they grab hold and start to pull him down. And that one in the corner, grinning at us slyly, what's his deal?

It's just a really compelling scene. So incredibly bad ass. None of that happens in the actual game but who cares! It lets you know from the beginning that this is going to be no cake walk. Guns, demons and of course the title looming over everything. DOOM. Fucking incredible.

Jaison Playing Street Fighter